Read the following and figure out an answer......then look in the comments to see if you are right.
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Another "If you are reading this..." (Especially for my cousin)
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
Robot Bartender
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity' 'interstellar space travel' 'the latest medical break through's etc........?
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please'" Again it was suburb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end. The guy had to try it one more time.
So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".. The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked , " A-r-e Y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?"
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity' 'interstellar space travel' 'the latest medical break through's etc........?
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please'" Again it was suburb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end. The guy had to try it one more time.
So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".. The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked , " A-r-e Y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?"
Touching Story
A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, hecame across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thornand the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else butof being trampled.Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with hisson. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creaturesturned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant andstared back in wonder.Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunkaround one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Today's "If you are reading this"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
One more "If you're reading this" for today
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
Speeding in Arkansas
A cowboy from Texas was pulled over by an Akansas DPS Trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies ?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stopped and said, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper said and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies ?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stopped and said, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper said and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Us Senator unhurt in Air Crash
The Associated Press reports that New York Senator Hillary Clinton, narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft that she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern New Jersey because of bad weather. National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination that pilot error contributed to the accident, and that the senator was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR [instrument flight rating] conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating. The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. Photographs taken at the scene show the extent of damage to Senator Clinton's aircraft. She was very lucky.
Does anyone really read this?????
If you do let me know your thoughts on this
How can a fly, flying right side up, land on a ceiling upside down?
If you say it rolls over like a jet doing a barrel roll or something, then ok. Then does it know which way is really up and which way is down. Why doesn't it fly upside down all the time. Or does it usually fly upside down and it's legs are really on it's back?!?!?!?!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
How can a fly, flying right side up, land on a ceiling upside down?
If you say it rolls over like a jet doing a barrel roll or something, then ok. Then does it know which way is really up and which way is down. Why doesn't it fly upside down all the time. Or does it usually fly upside down and it's legs are really on it's back?!?!?!?!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
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