January 1, 1863 - Confederate troops reclaimed Galveston harbor, the most important port in Texas, at the Battle of Galveston.
January 2, 1888 - The Daily-Times Herald published its first issue after the merger of the two Dallas newspapers, the Daily Times and the Daily Herald.
January 3, 1962 - Ground was broken to begin the building of the Astrodome in Houston, the first fully air-conditioned, enclosed, domed, multipurpose sports stadium in the world.
January 4, 1789 - Birthday of Benjamin Lundy, antislavery advocate who planned to create a colony of free blacks in Texas. His plans were interrupted by the Texas Revolution.
January 5, 1829 - Thomas S. Gathright, first president of the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas (now Texas A&M University), was born in Monroe County, Georgia.
January 6, 1808 - Hero of the Alamo, Albert Martin, was born in Providence Rhode Island. Martin served Texas as one of the “Old Eighteen” defenders of the “Come take it cannon” in Gonzales.
January 7, 1892 - The agreement between The Galveston, La Porte and Houston Railway was chartered to build the two-mile bridge across Galveston Bay.
January 8, 1910 - German born school teacher/inventor Jacob Brodbeck , considered by many to be the first man to fly in an airplane, passed away. Almost 40 years before the Wright brothers, Brodbeck created what he termed an "airship" and attempted flight in Luckenbach on Septmeber 20, 1865. The airship, with a rudder, wings, and a water propeller powered by coiled springs in case of accidental landings on water, featured an enclosed space for the "aeronaut", a compass, and a barometer. Though no official records exist, the airship is said to have managed to lift off from the ground above 12 feet and fly a distance of about 100 feet before the coil came unwound and the ship crashed into a chicken coup injuring the inventor. Brodbeck's other before-their-time inventions: an ice-making machine (in 1869) and a self-winding clock. For more information please fly to www.texaslesstravelled.com.
January 9, 1907- Cordelia Sloan married Robert Duke, a foreman and later general manager of the XIT ranch. She became the first woman game warden in Texas in the 1920s.
January 10, 1929 - María de Hernández helped found the Orden Caballeros de América, an organization to advance civic and political causes for Mexican-Americans and immigrants in San Antonio.
January 11, 1954 - Hernández v. the State of Texas was brought before the Supreme Court, which reversed the murder conviction of Pete Hernández because no Hispanics had served on the jury.
January 12, 1875 - Crockett County was formed, and was named after the Alamo hero David Crockett.
January 13, 1871 - José Antonio Navarro, a leading Mexican participant in the Texas Revolution, and one of three Mexican signers of the Texas Declaration of Independence, passed away.
January 14, 1836 - Wiliam McDowell was sworn into the Texas Army. He rode to San Antonio with David Crockett and later died in the battle of the Alamo.
January 15, 1841 - The initial Houston and Austin Turnpike Company was chartered to lay out a road from Austin to Houston.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Bad Puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic alcoholic walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"
"Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "Dam!".
15. And finally, there was the person who sent fifteen different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic alcoholic walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"
"Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "Dam!".
15. And finally, there was the person who sent fifteen different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did
21 Rules to live by
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Safari
>>> A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her> faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.>> One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles> discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading> rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.>>>> The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some> bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the> bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about> to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious> leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?">> Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of> terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the> leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!">> Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby> tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for> protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him> heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something> must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans> and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.>> The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,> monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving> canine!>> Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back> and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog> sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them> yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.>> "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another> leopard!>> Moral of this story....>>> Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth> and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Hmmmmmm
From the L.A. Times
1. 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million people)
are working for cash and not paying taxes. This was because they are
predominantly illegal immigrants, working without a green card.
2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.
4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien
Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly 25% of all inmates in California detention centers
are Mexican nationals here illegally.
6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles
are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.
8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations in L.A. are Spanish speaking.
10. In L.A. County 5.1 million people speak English.
3.9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County ).
(All the above from the Los Angeles Times)
Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare.
Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth (and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration.
The cost of immigration to the American taxpayer in 1997 was, (after subtracting taxes immigrants pay), a NET $70 BILLION/year, [Professor Donald Huddle, Rice University ]. The lifetime fiscal impact (taxes paid minus services used) for the average adult Mexican immigrant is a NEGATIVE number.
29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.
If they can come to this country to raise Hell and demonstrate by the thousands, WHY can't they take charge over the corruption in their own country?
We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue.
THE U.S. VS MEXICO
On February 15, 1998, the U.S. and Mexican soccer teams met at the Los Angeles
Coliseum. The crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mexican even though most lived
in this country. They booed during the National Anthem and U.S. flags were held
upside down. As the match progressed, supporters of the U.S. team were insulted,
pelted with projectiles, punched and spat upon. Beer and trash were thrown at
the U.S. players before and after the match. The coach of the U.S. team, Steve
Sampson said, "This was the most painful experience I have ever had in this
profession."
Did you know that immigrants from Mexico and other non-European countries
can come to this country and get preferences in jobs, education, and government
contracts. It's called affirmative action or racial privilege. The Emperor of Japan
or the President of Mexico could migrate here and immediately be eligible for
special rights unavailable for Americans of European descent.
Corporate America has signed on to the idea that minorities and third world
immigrants should get special, privileged status. Some examples are Exxon,
Texaco, Merrill Lynch, Boeing, Paine Weber, Starbucks and many more.
DID YOU KNOW?
... that Mexico regularly intercedes on the side of the defense in criminal cases involving Mexican nationals?
... that Mexico has NEVER extradited a Mexican national accused of murder in the U.S. in spite of agreements to do so? According to the L.A. Times, Orange County , California is home to 275 gangs with 17,000 members, 98% of which are Mexican and Asian.
How's your county doing?
According to a New York Times article dated May 19, 1994, 20 years after
the great influx of legal immigrants from Southeast Asia , 30% are still on
welfare compared to 8% of households nationwide. A Wall Street Journal
editorial dated December 5, 1994 quotes law enforcement officials as stat-
ing that Asian mobsters are the "greatest criminal challenge the country
faces." Not bad for a group that is still under 5% of the population.
Is education important to you? Here are the words of a teacher who spent
over 20 years in the Los Angeles School system. "Imagine teachers in classes
containing 30-40 students of widely varying attention spans and motivation,
many of whom aren't fluent in English. Educators seek learning materials
likely to reach the majority of students and that means fewer words and
math problems and more pictures and multicultural references."
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
I remember hearing about the immigrants that came through Ellis Island .
They wanted to learn English. They wanted to breathe free. They wanted
to become Americans. Now, far too many immigrants come here with de-
mands. They demand to be taught in their own language. They demand spe-
cial privileges ... affirmative action. They demand ethnic studies that glorify their culture.
Now....Why can't we send them home??????
1. 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million people)
are working for cash and not paying taxes. This was because they are
predominantly illegal immigrants, working without a green card.
2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.
4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien
Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly 25% of all inmates in California detention centers
are Mexican nationals here illegally.
6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles
are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.
8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations in L.A. are Spanish speaking.
10. In L.A. County 5.1 million people speak English.
3.9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County ).
(All the above from the Los Angeles Times)
Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare.
Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth (and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration.
The cost of immigration to the American taxpayer in 1997 was, (after subtracting taxes immigrants pay), a NET $70 BILLION/year, [Professor Donald Huddle, Rice University ]. The lifetime fiscal impact (taxes paid minus services used) for the average adult Mexican immigrant is a NEGATIVE number.
29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.
If they can come to this country to raise Hell and demonstrate by the thousands, WHY can't they take charge over the corruption in their own country?
We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue.
THE U.S. VS MEXICO
On February 15, 1998, the U.S. and Mexican soccer teams met at the Los Angeles
Coliseum. The crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mexican even though most lived
in this country. They booed during the National Anthem and U.S. flags were held
upside down. As the match progressed, supporters of the U.S. team were insulted,
pelted with projectiles, punched and spat upon. Beer and trash were thrown at
the U.S. players before and after the match. The coach of the U.S. team, Steve
Sampson said, "This was the most painful experience I have ever had in this
profession."
Did you know that immigrants from Mexico and other non-European countries
can come to this country and get preferences in jobs, education, and government
contracts. It's called affirmative action or racial privilege. The Emperor of Japan
or the President of Mexico could migrate here and immediately be eligible for
special rights unavailable for Americans of European descent.
Corporate America has signed on to the idea that minorities and third world
immigrants should get special, privileged status. Some examples are Exxon,
Texaco, Merrill Lynch, Boeing, Paine Weber, Starbucks and many more.
DID YOU KNOW?
... that Mexico regularly intercedes on the side of the defense in criminal cases involving Mexican nationals?
... that Mexico has NEVER extradited a Mexican national accused of murder in the U.S. in spite of agreements to do so? According to the L.A. Times, Orange County , California is home to 275 gangs with 17,000 members, 98% of which are Mexican and Asian.
How's your county doing?
According to a New York Times article dated May 19, 1994, 20 years after
the great influx of legal immigrants from Southeast Asia , 30% are still on
welfare compared to 8% of households nationwide. A Wall Street Journal
editorial dated December 5, 1994 quotes law enforcement officials as stat-
ing that Asian mobsters are the "greatest criminal challenge the country
faces." Not bad for a group that is still under 5% of the population.
Is education important to you? Here are the words of a teacher who spent
over 20 years in the Los Angeles School system. "Imagine teachers in classes
containing 30-40 students of widely varying attention spans and motivation,
many of whom aren't fluent in English. Educators seek learning materials
likely to reach the majority of students and that means fewer words and
math problems and more pictures and multicultural references."
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
I remember hearing about the immigrants that came through Ellis Island .
They wanted to learn English. They wanted to breathe free. They wanted
to become Americans. Now, far too many immigrants come here with de-
mands. They demand to be taught in their own language. They demand spe-
cial privileges ... affirmative action. They demand ethnic studies that glorify their culture.
Now....Why can't we send them home??????
Questions
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in Ithaca, New York to talk aboutthe world.
After her talk she offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is."Kenneth," came the reply."And what is your question, Kenneth?""I have three questions, Ma-am:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you leftthe White House?"..
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddiesthat they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we?Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"This time a different little boy puts his hand up;Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is."Larry," he said."And what is your question?""I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left theWhite House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
After her talk she offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is."Kenneth," came the reply."And what is your question, Kenneth?""I have three questions, Ma-am:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you leftthe White House?"..
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddiesthat they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we?Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"This time a different little boy puts his hand up;Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is."Larry," he said."And what is your question?""I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left theWhite House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
for your reading pleasure
Wherever you stand, please take the time to read this; it ought to scare the pants off you!
We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado. In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Recently there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington, DC, filled to capacity by many of America's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college>professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal was destroying the entire>state of California. He said it would march across the country until it>destroyed all> vestiges of The American Dream.> >> > Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood>up and gave a> stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat>spellbound as he> described eight methods for the destruction of the United>States. He said, "If> you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too>rich, then let's> destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history>has survived> the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great>civilizations rise> and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all>great nations> commit suicide.'"> >> > "Here is how they do it," Lamm said: "First, to destroy>America, turn America> into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country.">History shows that> no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of>two or more> competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an>individual to be> bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual.>The historical> scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way: "The histories of>bilingual and> bi-cultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of>turmoil, tension,> and tragedy." Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face>crises of> national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if>not independence.> Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic> > rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons,>and Corsicans.".> >> > Lamm went on: Second, to destroy America, "Invent>'multiculturalism' and> encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an>article of belief> that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural>differences. Make it an> article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are>due solely to> prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other>explanation is out of> bounds.> >> > Third, "We could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec'>without much> effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As>Benjamin Schwarz> said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: "The apparent success of>our own> multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been>achieved not by> tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once>dictated> ethnocentricity and what it meant to be an American, we are left>with only> tolerance and pluralism to hold us together."> > Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own>language and> culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad>bowl metaphor.> It is important to ensure that we have various cultural>subgroups living in> America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans,>emphasizing their> similarities."> >> > "Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group>the least> educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated,>undereducated, and> antagonistic to our population. I would have this second>underclass have a 50%> dropout rate from high school."> >> > "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big>foundations and> business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in>ethnic identity,> and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all>minorities to> think that their lack of success was the fault of the majority.>I would start a> grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority>population."> >> > "My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual>citizenship, and> promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over>unity. I would> stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people>worldwide are mostly> engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not>killing each other. A> diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical>precedent.> People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together.>Look at the> ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the>same race; they> possessed a common Language and literature; and they worshipped>the same gods.> All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy,>Persia, threatened> their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to>overcome two> factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that>nurtured political> divisions. Greece fell. "E. Pluribus Unum" --From many, one. In>that historical> reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the>'Unum,' we will> balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."> >> > "Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits; make it>taboo to talk> about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a>word similar to> 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and>paralyzed thinking.> Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate.>Having made> America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established>multi-culturism,> having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,'>I would next> make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would>develop a mantra:> That because immigration has been good for America, it must>always be good. I> would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the>cumulative impact> of millions of them."> >> > In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his>brow. Profound> silence followed. Finally he said,. "Lastly, I would censor>Victor Hanson> Davis's book "Mexifornia." His book is dangerous. It exposes>the plan to> destroy America. If you feel America. deserves to be destroyed,>don't read that> book."> >> > There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an>ominous cloud> above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that>room knew that> everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly,>darkly, yet> pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being>suppressed. Over> 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational>system and national> cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female>genital mutilation are> growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are>vanishing into the Third> World as corporations create a Third World in America - take>note of California> and other states - to date, ten million illegal aliens and>growing fast. It is> reminiscent of George Orwell's book "1984." In that story,>three slogans are> engraved in the Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace,">"Freedom is> slavery," and "Ignorance is strength."> >> > Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone>at the conference> that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply>in trouble and> worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped>within three> years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy>everything in its> path especially The American Dream.
We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado. In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Recently there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington, DC, filled to capacity by many of America's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college>professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal was destroying the entire>state of California. He said it would march across the country until it>destroyed all> vestiges of The American Dream.> >> > Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood>up and gave a> stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat>spellbound as he> described eight methods for the destruction of the United>States. He said, "If> you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too>rich, then let's> destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history>has survived> the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great>civilizations rise> and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all>great nations> commit suicide.'"> >> > "Here is how they do it," Lamm said: "First, to destroy>America, turn America> into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country.">History shows that> no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of>two or more> competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an>individual to be> bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual.>The historical> scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way: "The histories of>bilingual and> bi-cultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of>turmoil, tension,> and tragedy." Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face>crises of> national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if>not independence.> Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic> > rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons,>and Corsicans.".> >> > Lamm went on: Second, to destroy America, "Invent>'multiculturalism' and> encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an>article of belief> that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural>differences. Make it an> article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are>due solely to> prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other>explanation is out of> bounds.> >> > Third, "We could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec'>without much> effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As>Benjamin Schwarz> said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: "The apparent success of>our own> multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been>achieved not by> tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once>dictated> ethnocentricity and what it meant to be an American, we are left>with only> tolerance and pluralism to hold us together."> > Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own>language and> culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad>bowl metaphor.> It is important to ensure that we have various cultural>subgroups living in> America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans,>emphasizing their> similarities."> >> > "Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group>the least> educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated,>undereducated, and> antagonistic to our population. I would have this second>underclass have a 50%> dropout rate from high school."> >> > "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big>foundations and> business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in>ethnic identity,> and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all>minorities to> think that their lack of success was the fault of the majority.>I would start a> grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority>population."> >> > "My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual>citizenship, and> promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over>unity. I would> stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people>worldwide are mostly> engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not>killing each other. A> diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical>precedent.> People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together.>Look at the> ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the>same race; they> possessed a common Language and literature; and they worshipped>the same gods.> All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy,>Persia, threatened> their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to>overcome two> factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that>nurtured political> divisions. Greece fell. "E. Pluribus Unum" --From many, one. In>that historical> reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the>'Unum,' we will> balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."> >> > "Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits; make it>taboo to talk> about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a>word similar to> 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and>paralyzed thinking.> Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate.>Having made> America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established>multi-culturism,> having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,'>I would next> make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would>develop a mantra:> That because immigration has been good for America, it must>always be good. I> would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the>cumulative impact> of millions of them."> >> > In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his>brow. Profound> silence followed. Finally he said,. "Lastly, I would censor>Victor Hanson> Davis's book "Mexifornia." His book is dangerous. It exposes>the plan to> destroy America. If you feel America. deserves to be destroyed,>don't read that> book."> >> > There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an>ominous cloud> above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that>room knew that> everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly,>darkly, yet> pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being>suppressed. Over> 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational>system and national> cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female>genital mutilation are> growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are>vanishing into the Third> World as corporations create a Third World in America - take>note of California> and other states - to date, ten million illegal aliens and>growing fast. It is> reminiscent of George Orwell's book "1984." In that story,>three slogans are> engraved in the Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace,">"Freedom is> slavery," and "Ignorance is strength."> >> > Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone>at the conference> that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply>in trouble and> worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped>within three> years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy>everything in its> path especially The American Dream.
Let's Hear It For TEXAS
Rules of TEXAS :
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate10 go east and west, Hwy 59 and Interstate 45 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN 'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in TEXAS ....and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Rebels and the 'Dogs,' and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M, Rice , and Texas U . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great ex-governor Ann Richards once said: " Texas can make it without the United States , but the United States can't make it without Texas !"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you're from Texas you're one bad hombre!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate10 go east and west, Hwy 59 and Interstate 45 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN 'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in TEXAS ....and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Rebels and the 'Dogs,' and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M, Rice , and Texas U . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great ex-governor Ann Richards once said: " Texas can make it without the United States , but the United States can't make it without Texas !"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you're from Texas you're one bad hombre!!!
A Guy From Houston
A guy from Houston dies and goes to hell. He has been a horrible man all his life.
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer.To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Houstonian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it's humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?"
The Houstonian, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Houston . Hot, humid, and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Houstonian's remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain, and torrential winds. Soon, hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing in his eyes, the Houston man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions. The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It's just like April in Houston . It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the man suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet.
Suddenly, hell is blanketed in 10 feet of snow and ice. Confident that this will finally make the Houstonian unhappy, he checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees! The guy is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know it's 40 below zero?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the man throws a snowball at the devil and yells,
"HELL IS FROZEN OVER!! This means the Texans are going to the playoffs!!"
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer.To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Houstonian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it's humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?"
The Houstonian, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Houston . Hot, humid, and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Houstonian's remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain, and torrential winds. Soon, hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing in his eyes, the Houston man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions. The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It's just like April in Houston . It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the man suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet.
Suddenly, hell is blanketed in 10 feet of snow and ice. Confident that this will finally make the Houstonian unhappy, he checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees! The guy is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know it's 40 below zero?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the man throws a snowball at the devil and yells,
"HELL IS FROZEN OVER!! This means the Texans are going to the playoffs!!"
North vs South
Some of this you've heard before, some are new.
The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run yourcar into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, >just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same >store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenceddialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run yourcar into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, >just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same >store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenceddialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
NOLA
This happened on a recent flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans.
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New Orleans, there are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, riots, drugs and the highest crime rate in the country ."
Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New Orleans, there are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, riots, drugs and the highest crime rate in the country ."
Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
it started way back when
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during thesummer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention ofbeer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man tothe beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and togetherwere the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery . That's how villageswere formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q atnight while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservation movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The restbecame known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, mostpowerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolizedby the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most preferwhite wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women havehigher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, attorneys, >journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair tomake the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still providefor their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, sailors, airmen, >soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservativeswho own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producersand decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans aremore enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remainedin Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the abovebefore forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced ofthe >absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention ofbeer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man tothe beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and togetherwere the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery . That's how villageswere formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q atnight while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservation movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The restbecame known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, mostpowerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolizedby the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most preferwhite wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women havehigher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, attorneys, >journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair tomake the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still providefor their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, sailors, airmen, >soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservativeswho own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producersand decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans aremore enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remainedin Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the abovebefore forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced ofthe >absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
New Math Exam
INNER CITY HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
(So they can relate!!!)
I'm glad to see that schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! It's about time!
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
(So they can relate!!!)
I'm glad to see that schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! It's about time!
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
Read This
One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California . He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also. But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha. He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly," Yes, I always wear it and probably always will." The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi. A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman: "Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak outso loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid." Everyone within hearing distance cheered!
Prison vs Work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
Prison: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
Work: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
Prison: You get three meals a day fully paid for
Work: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
Prison: You get time off for good behavior
Work: You get more work for good behavior
Prison: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
Work: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
Prison: You can watch TV and play games
Work: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
Prison: You get your own toilet
Work: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
Prison: They allow your family and friends to visit
Work: You aren't even supposed to speak to your family
Prison: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
Work: You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare
Prison: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
Work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
Prison: You must deal with sadistic wardens
Work: They are called managers
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!
Prison: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
Work: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
Prison: You get three meals a day fully paid for
Work: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
Prison: You get time off for good behavior
Work: You get more work for good behavior
Prison: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
Work: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
Prison: You can watch TV and play games
Work: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
Prison: You get your own toilet
Work: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
Prison: They allow your family and friends to visit
Work: You aren't even supposed to speak to your family
Prison: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
Work: You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare
Prison: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
Work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
Prison: You must deal with sadistic wardens
Work: They are called managers
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!
I HAVE A DAUGHTER
Hello my friends !!!!!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little busy welcoming my daughter Madison Avery into this crazy world of ours. I will post pics a little later and set her up with her own blog.
Later
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little busy welcoming my daughter Madison Avery into this crazy world of ours. I will post pics a little later and set her up with her own blog.
Later
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)