ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Safari
>>> A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her> faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.>> One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles> discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading> rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.>>>> The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some> bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the> bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about> to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious> leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?">> Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of> terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the> leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!">> Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby> tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for> protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him> heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something> must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans> and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.>> The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,> monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving> canine!>> Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back> and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog> sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them> yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.>> "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another> leopard!>> Moral of this story....>>> Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth> and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Hmmmmmm
From the L.A. Times
1. 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million people)
are working for cash and not paying taxes. This was because they are
predominantly illegal immigrants, working without a green card.
2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.
4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien
Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly 25% of all inmates in California detention centers
are Mexican nationals here illegally.
6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles
are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.
8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations in L.A. are Spanish speaking.
10. In L.A. County 5.1 million people speak English.
3.9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County ).
(All the above from the Los Angeles Times)
Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare.
Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth (and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration.
The cost of immigration to the American taxpayer in 1997 was, (after subtracting taxes immigrants pay), a NET $70 BILLION/year, [Professor Donald Huddle, Rice University ]. The lifetime fiscal impact (taxes paid minus services used) for the average adult Mexican immigrant is a NEGATIVE number.
29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.
If they can come to this country to raise Hell and demonstrate by the thousands, WHY can't they take charge over the corruption in their own country?
We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue.
THE U.S. VS MEXICO
On February 15, 1998, the U.S. and Mexican soccer teams met at the Los Angeles
Coliseum. The crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mexican even though most lived
in this country. They booed during the National Anthem and U.S. flags were held
upside down. As the match progressed, supporters of the U.S. team were insulted,
pelted with projectiles, punched and spat upon. Beer and trash were thrown at
the U.S. players before and after the match. The coach of the U.S. team, Steve
Sampson said, "This was the most painful experience I have ever had in this
profession."
Did you know that immigrants from Mexico and other non-European countries
can come to this country and get preferences in jobs, education, and government
contracts. It's called affirmative action or racial privilege. The Emperor of Japan
or the President of Mexico could migrate here and immediately be eligible for
special rights unavailable for Americans of European descent.
Corporate America has signed on to the idea that minorities and third world
immigrants should get special, privileged status. Some examples are Exxon,
Texaco, Merrill Lynch, Boeing, Paine Weber, Starbucks and many more.
DID YOU KNOW?
... that Mexico regularly intercedes on the side of the defense in criminal cases involving Mexican nationals?
... that Mexico has NEVER extradited a Mexican national accused of murder in the U.S. in spite of agreements to do so? According to the L.A. Times, Orange County , California is home to 275 gangs with 17,000 members, 98% of which are Mexican and Asian.
How's your county doing?
According to a New York Times article dated May 19, 1994, 20 years after
the great influx of legal immigrants from Southeast Asia , 30% are still on
welfare compared to 8% of households nationwide. A Wall Street Journal
editorial dated December 5, 1994 quotes law enforcement officials as stat-
ing that Asian mobsters are the "greatest criminal challenge the country
faces." Not bad for a group that is still under 5% of the population.
Is education important to you? Here are the words of a teacher who spent
over 20 years in the Los Angeles School system. "Imagine teachers in classes
containing 30-40 students of widely varying attention spans and motivation,
many of whom aren't fluent in English. Educators seek learning materials
likely to reach the majority of students and that means fewer words and
math problems and more pictures and multicultural references."
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
I remember hearing about the immigrants that came through Ellis Island .
They wanted to learn English. They wanted to breathe free. They wanted
to become Americans. Now, far too many immigrants come here with de-
mands. They demand to be taught in their own language. They demand spe-
cial privileges ... affirmative action. They demand ethnic studies that glorify their culture.
Now....Why can't we send them home??????
1. 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million people)
are working for cash and not paying taxes. This was because they are
predominantly illegal immigrants, working without a green card.
2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.
4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien
Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly 25% of all inmates in California detention centers
are Mexican nationals here illegally.
6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles
are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.
8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations in L.A. are Spanish speaking.
10. In L.A. County 5.1 million people speak English.
3.9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County ).
(All the above from the Los Angeles Times)
Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare.
Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth (and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration.
The cost of immigration to the American taxpayer in 1997 was, (after subtracting taxes immigrants pay), a NET $70 BILLION/year, [Professor Donald Huddle, Rice University ]. The lifetime fiscal impact (taxes paid minus services used) for the average adult Mexican immigrant is a NEGATIVE number.
29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.
If they can come to this country to raise Hell and demonstrate by the thousands, WHY can't they take charge over the corruption in their own country?
We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue.
THE U.S. VS MEXICO
On February 15, 1998, the U.S. and Mexican soccer teams met at the Los Angeles
Coliseum. The crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mexican even though most lived
in this country. They booed during the National Anthem and U.S. flags were held
upside down. As the match progressed, supporters of the U.S. team were insulted,
pelted with projectiles, punched and spat upon. Beer and trash were thrown at
the U.S. players before and after the match. The coach of the U.S. team, Steve
Sampson said, "This was the most painful experience I have ever had in this
profession."
Did you know that immigrants from Mexico and other non-European countries
can come to this country and get preferences in jobs, education, and government
contracts. It's called affirmative action or racial privilege. The Emperor of Japan
or the President of Mexico could migrate here and immediately be eligible for
special rights unavailable for Americans of European descent.
Corporate America has signed on to the idea that minorities and third world
immigrants should get special, privileged status. Some examples are Exxon,
Texaco, Merrill Lynch, Boeing, Paine Weber, Starbucks and many more.
DID YOU KNOW?
... that Mexico regularly intercedes on the side of the defense in criminal cases involving Mexican nationals?
... that Mexico has NEVER extradited a Mexican national accused of murder in the U.S. in spite of agreements to do so? According to the L.A. Times, Orange County , California is home to 275 gangs with 17,000 members, 98% of which are Mexican and Asian.
How's your county doing?
According to a New York Times article dated May 19, 1994, 20 years after
the great influx of legal immigrants from Southeast Asia , 30% are still on
welfare compared to 8% of households nationwide. A Wall Street Journal
editorial dated December 5, 1994 quotes law enforcement officials as stat-
ing that Asian mobsters are the "greatest criminal challenge the country
faces." Not bad for a group that is still under 5% of the population.
Is education important to you? Here are the words of a teacher who spent
over 20 years in the Los Angeles School system. "Imagine teachers in classes
containing 30-40 students of widely varying attention spans and motivation,
many of whom aren't fluent in English. Educators seek learning materials
likely to reach the majority of students and that means fewer words and
math problems and more pictures and multicultural references."
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
I remember hearing about the immigrants that came through Ellis Island .
They wanted to learn English. They wanted to breathe free. They wanted
to become Americans. Now, far too many immigrants come here with de-
mands. They demand to be taught in their own language. They demand spe-
cial privileges ... affirmative action. They demand ethnic studies that glorify their culture.
Now....Why can't we send them home??????
Questions
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in Ithaca, New York to talk aboutthe world.
After her talk she offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is."Kenneth," came the reply."And what is your question, Kenneth?""I have three questions, Ma-am:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you leftthe White House?"..
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddiesthat they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we?Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"This time a different little boy puts his hand up;Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is."Larry," he said."And what is your question?""I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left theWhite House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
After her talk she offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is."Kenneth," came the reply."And what is your question, Kenneth?""I have three questions, Ma-am:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you leftthe White House?"..
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddiesthat they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we?Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"This time a different little boy puts his hand up;Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is."Larry," he said."And what is your question?""I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed theoffice?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left theWhite House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
for your reading pleasure
Wherever you stand, please take the time to read this; it ought to scare the pants off you!
We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado. In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Recently there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington, DC, filled to capacity by many of America's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college>professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal was destroying the entire>state of California. He said it would march across the country until it>destroyed all> vestiges of The American Dream.> >> > Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood>up and gave a> stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat>spellbound as he> described eight methods for the destruction of the United>States. He said, "If> you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too>rich, then let's> destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history>has survived> the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great>civilizations rise> and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all>great nations> commit suicide.'"> >> > "Here is how they do it," Lamm said: "First, to destroy>America, turn America> into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country.">History shows that> no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of>two or more> competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an>individual to be> bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual.>The historical> scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way: "The histories of>bilingual and> bi-cultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of>turmoil, tension,> and tragedy." Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face>crises of> national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if>not independence.> Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic> > rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons,>and Corsicans.".> >> > Lamm went on: Second, to destroy America, "Invent>'multiculturalism' and> encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an>article of belief> that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural>differences. Make it an> article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are>due solely to> prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other>explanation is out of> bounds.> >> > Third, "We could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec'>without much> effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As>Benjamin Schwarz> said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: "The apparent success of>our own> multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been>achieved not by> tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once>dictated> ethnocentricity and what it meant to be an American, we are left>with only> tolerance and pluralism to hold us together."> > Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own>language and> culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad>bowl metaphor.> It is important to ensure that we have various cultural>subgroups living in> America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans,>emphasizing their> similarities."> >> > "Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group>the least> educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated,>undereducated, and> antagonistic to our population. I would have this second>underclass have a 50%> dropout rate from high school."> >> > "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big>foundations and> business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in>ethnic identity,> and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all>minorities to> think that their lack of success was the fault of the majority.>I would start a> grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority>population."> >> > "My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual>citizenship, and> promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over>unity. I would> stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people>worldwide are mostly> engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not>killing each other. A> diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical>precedent.> People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together.>Look at the> ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the>same race; they> possessed a common Language and literature; and they worshipped>the same gods.> All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy,>Persia, threatened> their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to>overcome two> factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that>nurtured political> divisions. Greece fell. "E. Pluribus Unum" --From many, one. In>that historical> reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the>'Unum,' we will> balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."> >> > "Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits; make it>taboo to talk> about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a>word similar to> 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and>paralyzed thinking.> Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate.>Having made> America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established>multi-culturism,> having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,'>I would next> make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would>develop a mantra:> That because immigration has been good for America, it must>always be good. I> would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the>cumulative impact> of millions of them."> >> > In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his>brow. Profound> silence followed. Finally he said,. "Lastly, I would censor>Victor Hanson> Davis's book "Mexifornia." His book is dangerous. It exposes>the plan to> destroy America. If you feel America. deserves to be destroyed,>don't read that> book."> >> > There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an>ominous cloud> above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that>room knew that> everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly,>darkly, yet> pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being>suppressed. Over> 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational>system and national> cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female>genital mutilation are> growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are>vanishing into the Third> World as corporations create a Third World in America - take>note of California> and other states - to date, ten million illegal aliens and>growing fast. It is> reminiscent of George Orwell's book "1984." In that story,>three slogans are> engraved in the Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace,">"Freedom is> slavery," and "Ignorance is strength."> >> > Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone>at the conference> that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply>in trouble and> worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped>within three> years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy>everything in its> path especially The American Dream.
We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado. In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Recently there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington, DC, filled to capacity by many of America's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college>professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal was destroying the entire>state of California. He said it would march across the country until it>destroyed all> vestiges of The American Dream.> >> > Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood>up and gave a> stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat>spellbound as he> described eight methods for the destruction of the United>States. He said, "If> you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too>rich, then let's> destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history>has survived> the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great>civilizations rise> and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all>great nations> commit suicide.'"> >> > "Here is how they do it," Lamm said: "First, to destroy>America, turn America> into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country.">History shows that> no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of>two or more> competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an>individual to be> bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual.>The historical> scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way: "The histories of>bilingual and> bi-cultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of>turmoil, tension,> and tragedy." Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face>crises of> national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if>not independence.> Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic> > rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons,>and Corsicans.".> >> > Lamm went on: Second, to destroy America, "Invent>'multiculturalism' and> encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an>article of belief> that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural>differences. Make it an> article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are>due solely to> prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other>explanation is out of> bounds.> >> > Third, "We could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec'>without much> effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As>Benjamin Schwarz> said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: "The apparent success of>our own> multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been>achieved not by> tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once>dictated> ethnocentricity and what it meant to be an American, we are left>with only> tolerance and pluralism to hold us together."> > Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own>language and> culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad>bowl metaphor.> It is important to ensure that we have various cultural>subgroups living in> America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans,>emphasizing their> similarities."> >> > "Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group>the least> educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated,>undereducated, and> antagonistic to our population. I would have this second>underclass have a 50%> dropout rate from high school."> >> > "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big>foundations and> business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in>ethnic identity,> and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all>minorities to> think that their lack of success was the fault of the majority.>I would start a> grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority>population."> >> > "My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual>citizenship, and> promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over>unity. I would> stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people>worldwide are mostly> engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not>killing each other. A> diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical>precedent.> People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together.>Look at the> ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the>same race; they> possessed a common Language and literature; and they worshipped>the same gods.> All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy,>Persia, threatened> their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to>overcome two> factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that>nurtured political> divisions. Greece fell. "E. Pluribus Unum" --From many, one. In>that historical> reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the>'Unum,' we will> balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."> >> > "Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits; make it>taboo to talk> about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a>word similar to> 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and>paralyzed thinking.> Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate.>Having made> America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established>multi-culturism,> having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,'>I would next> make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would>develop a mantra:> That because immigration has been good for America, it must>always be good. I> would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the>cumulative impact> of millions of them."> >> > In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his>brow. Profound> silence followed. Finally he said,. "Lastly, I would censor>Victor Hanson> Davis's book "Mexifornia." His book is dangerous. It exposes>the plan to> destroy America. If you feel America. deserves to be destroyed,>don't read that> book."> >> > There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an>ominous cloud> above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that>room knew that> everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly,>darkly, yet> pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being>suppressed. Over> 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational>system and national> cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female>genital mutilation are> growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are>vanishing into the Third> World as corporations create a Third World in America - take>note of California> and other states - to date, ten million illegal aliens and>growing fast. It is> reminiscent of George Orwell's book "1984." In that story,>three slogans are> engraved in the Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace,">"Freedom is> slavery," and "Ignorance is strength."> >> > Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone>at the conference> that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply>in trouble and> worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped>within three> years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy>everything in its> path especially The American Dream.
Let's Hear It For TEXAS
Rules of TEXAS :
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate10 go east and west, Hwy 59 and Interstate 45 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN 'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in TEXAS ....and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Rebels and the 'Dogs,' and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M, Rice , and Texas U . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great ex-governor Ann Richards once said: " Texas can make it without the United States , but the United States can't make it without Texas !"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you're from Texas you're one bad hombre!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate10 go east and west, Hwy 59 and Interstate 45 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN 'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in TEXAS ....and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Rebels and the 'Dogs,' and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M, Rice , and Texas U . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great ex-governor Ann Richards once said: " Texas can make it without the United States , but the United States can't make it without Texas !"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you're from Texas you're one bad hombre!!!
A Guy From Houston
A guy from Houston dies and goes to hell. He has been a horrible man all his life.
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer.To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Houstonian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it's humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?"
The Houstonian, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Houston . Hot, humid, and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Houstonian's remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain, and torrential winds. Soon, hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing in his eyes, the Houston man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions. The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It's just like April in Houston . It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the man suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet.
Suddenly, hell is blanketed in 10 feet of snow and ice. Confident that this will finally make the Houstonian unhappy, he checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees! The guy is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know it's 40 below zero?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the man throws a snowball at the devil and yells,
"HELL IS FROZEN OVER!! This means the Texans are going to the playoffs!!"
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer.To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Houstonian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it's humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?"
The Houstonian, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Houston . Hot, humid, and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Houstonian's remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain, and torrential winds. Soon, hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing in his eyes, the Houston man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions. The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It's just like April in Houston . It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the man suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet.
Suddenly, hell is blanketed in 10 feet of snow and ice. Confident that this will finally make the Houstonian unhappy, he checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees! The guy is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know it's 40 below zero?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the man throws a snowball at the devil and yells,
"HELL IS FROZEN OVER!! This means the Texans are going to the playoffs!!"
North vs South
Some of this you've heard before, some are new.
The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run yourcar into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, >just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same >store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenceddialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run yourcar into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, >just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same >store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenceddialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
NOLA
This happened on a recent flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans.
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New Orleans, there are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, riots, drugs and the highest crime rate in the country ."
Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New Orleans, there are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, riots, drugs and the highest crime rate in the country ."
Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
it started way back when
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during thesummer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention ofbeer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man tothe beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and togetherwere the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery . That's how villageswere formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q atnight while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservation movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The restbecame known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, mostpowerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolizedby the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most preferwhite wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women havehigher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, attorneys, >journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair tomake the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still providefor their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, sailors, airmen, >soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservativeswho own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producersand decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans aremore enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remainedin Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the abovebefore forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced ofthe >absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention ofbeer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man tothe beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and togetherwere the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery . That's how villageswere formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q atnight while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservation movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The restbecame known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, mostpowerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolizedby the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most preferwhite wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women havehigher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, attorneys, >journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair tomake the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still providefor their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, sailors, airmen, >soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservativeswho own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producersand decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans aremore enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remainedin Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the abovebefore forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced ofthe >absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
New Math Exam
INNER CITY HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
(So they can relate!!!)
I'm glad to see that schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! It's about time!
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
(So they can relate!!!)
I'm glad to see that schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! It's about time!
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
Read This
One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California . He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also. But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha. He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly," Yes, I always wear it and probably always will." The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi. A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman: "Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak outso loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid." Everyone within hearing distance cheered!
Prison vs Work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
Prison: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
Work: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
Prison: You get three meals a day fully paid for
Work: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
Prison: You get time off for good behavior
Work: You get more work for good behavior
Prison: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
Work: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
Prison: You can watch TV and play games
Work: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
Prison: You get your own toilet
Work: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
Prison: They allow your family and friends to visit
Work: You aren't even supposed to speak to your family
Prison: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
Work: You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare
Prison: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
Work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
Prison: You must deal with sadistic wardens
Work: They are called managers
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!
Prison: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
Work: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
Prison: You get three meals a day fully paid for
Work: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
Prison: You get time off for good behavior
Work: You get more work for good behavior
Prison: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
Work: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
Prison: You can watch TV and play games
Work: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
Prison: You get your own toilet
Work: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
Prison: They allow your family and friends to visit
Work: You aren't even supposed to speak to your family
Prison: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
Work: You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare
Prison: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
Work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
Prison: You must deal with sadistic wardens
Work: They are called managers
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!
I HAVE A DAUGHTER
Hello my friends !!!!!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little busy welcoming my daughter Madison Avery into this crazy world of ours. I will post pics a little later and set her up with her own blog.
Later
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little busy welcoming my daughter Madison Avery into this crazy world of ours. I will post pics a little later and set her up with her own blog.
Later
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Things I have known
In the military we learned the following.
When you are in a position of authority...
If you don't take care of your troops, your troops won't take care of you.
If you treat them right then they will do anything for you above and beyond what they have to. Your troops are what make you look good or bad to your superiors.
This concept can be applied in the business world today but I don't see it happening very much. I am not saying that you let your troops walk all over you or anything but you should treat them with dignity and respect. The same dignity and respect that you expect to be given.
When you are in a position of authority...
If you don't take care of your troops, your troops won't take care of you.
If you treat them right then they will do anything for you above and beyond what they have to. Your troops are what make you look good or bad to your superiors.
This concept can be applied in the business world today but I don't see it happening very much. I am not saying that you let your troops walk all over you or anything but you should treat them with dignity and respect. The same dignity and respect that you expect to be given.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Agenda for the Democratic National Convention for 2008:
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. and opening song by the Dixie Chicks
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:35 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging and Cat show
8:15 P.M. Gay Wedding - Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender - French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military - a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers - Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. and opening song by the Dixie Chicks
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:35 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging and Cat show
8:15 P.M. Gay Wedding - Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender - French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military - a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers - Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Back posting again
Ok so I haven't updated this in a while. I've been busy and just tired of posting but my email was filling up with things I wanted to post. So read the below and comment if you will.
Everything else is going great. My little one is due in just a few short months and my wife is doing great.
Hunting season is coming up soon. YEAAAAAHHHHH. I can't wait to get out in nature on the first week on December. It is always relaxing even if I don't even shoot anything. There is nothing like sitting in the woods far away from the hussle and bussle of the city and work to clear your mind. Anyway I am looking forward to that hunt and our traditional goose hunt over thanksgiving.
Anyway just a few short comments.
John Kerry - you are a complete idiot. You just called everyone in the military stupid. You are a flippin moron. You owe all of us an apology and stop trying to turn it around on Bush. I don't care how much you hate him or don't agree with the situation in Iraq, you still don't tell a bunch of students that if you don't do well in school you could always wide up in Iraq. Meaning you could always join the military. Meaning you think everyone in the military is ignorant. Like I said you are a moron. I hope that no one who has every served, had a family member serve or known someone who is/did serve in the military votes for you or anyone you support ever again.
Also check this out click here
see ya
Everything else is going great. My little one is due in just a few short months and my wife is doing great.
Hunting season is coming up soon. YEAAAAAHHHHH. I can't wait to get out in nature on the first week on December. It is always relaxing even if I don't even shoot anything. There is nothing like sitting in the woods far away from the hussle and bussle of the city and work to clear your mind. Anyway I am looking forward to that hunt and our traditional goose hunt over thanksgiving.
Anyway just a few short comments.
John Kerry - you are a complete idiot. You just called everyone in the military stupid. You are a flippin moron. You owe all of us an apology and stop trying to turn it around on Bush. I don't care how much you hate him or don't agree with the situation in Iraq, you still don't tell a bunch of students that if you don't do well in school you could always wide up in Iraq. Meaning you could always join the military. Meaning you think everyone in the military is ignorant. Like I said you are a moron. I hope that no one who has every served, had a family member serve or known someone who is/did serve in the military votes for you or anyone you support ever again.
Also check this out click here
see ya
Another about immigration
The best way to stop using so much gas is to
deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 11 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Editor:
So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.
Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States , people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture.
Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France and Japan .. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here.. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.
And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
(signed) Rosemary LaBonte
deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 11 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Editor:
So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.
Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States , people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture.
Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France and Japan .. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here.. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.
And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
(signed) Rosemary LaBonte
email I got that has some very good points
Im sorry, but after hearing they want
to sing OUR National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough!
Nowhere did they sing it in Italian,
Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, French, or any other language because of immigration.
It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it
was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation - not even close.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is MY COUNTRY
IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY, SPEAK UP!
I am not against immigration - just come through like everyone else.
Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes;
live by the rules; and LEARN THE LANGUAGE
as all other immigrants have in the past and
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
PART OF THE PROBLEM
Think about this:
If you don't want to forward this
for fear of offending someone,
YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
Will we still be the Country of choice
and still be America if we continue
to make the changes forced on us by
people from other countries who came
to live in America because it is the
Country of Choice?
Think about it!
All we have to say is, when will
Someone do something about
MY RIGHTS?
We've gone so far the other way,
bent over backwards to not
offend anyone, that I am now
being offended.
But it seems no one has a problem with that.
It is Time for America to Speak up
If you agree - pass this along;
if you don't agree - Pass it on anyway!
to sing OUR National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough!
Nowhere did they sing it in Italian,
Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, French, or any other language because of immigration.
It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it
was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation - not even close.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is MY COUNTRY
IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY, SPEAK UP!
I am not against immigration - just come through like everyone else.
Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes;
live by the rules; and LEARN THE LANGUAGE
as all other immigrants have in the past and
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
PART OF THE PROBLEM
Think about this:
If you don't want to forward this
for fear of offending someone,
YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
Will we still be the Country of choice
and still be America if we continue
to make the changes forced on us by
people from other countries who came
to live in America because it is the
Country of Choice?
Think about it!
All we have to say is, when will
Someone do something about
MY RIGHTS?
We've gone so far the other way,
bent over backwards to not
offend anyone, that I am now
being offended.
But it seems no one has a problem with that.
It is Time for America to Speak up
If you agree - pass this along;
if you don't agree - Pass it on anyway!
Hit the nail right on the head
Love him or loathe him, he nailed this one right on the head..........
By Rush Limbaugh:
I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the
entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.
If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.
Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.
Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers.
We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.
You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?
However, our own U.S. Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.
If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm's way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.
I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting .
" When do we finally do something about this?"
By Rush Limbaugh:
I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the
entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.
If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.
Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.
Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers.
We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.
You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?
However, our own U.S. Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.
If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm's way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.
I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting .
" When do we finally do something about this?"
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Comment if you wish on any of the below
All of the below were posted on www.defenddemocracy.org
METRICS: More than 4,000 al Qaeda terrorists have been killed in Iraq, according to the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq who gave the figure in an audiotape posted on the Internet last week.
"The blood has been spilled in Iraq of more than 4,000 foreigners who came to fight," said Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, who succeeded Abu Musab al-Zarqawi as commander of the al-Qaeda franchise in Iraq.
Whatever you may think of the wisdom of having invaded Iraq in 2003, whatever you may think of the current strategy in Iraq (I believe it requires serious revision), consider this: If these al-Qaeda terrorists had not been killed in Iraq, where would they be today and what would they be doing?
CAIR-LESS: The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) is attacking Rep. Thaddeus McCotter because he has called those slaughtering innocent Iraqi Muslims "jihadist-fascists."
"Representative McCotter should use his time on the House floor to foster dialogue and mutual understanding, not to introduce hot-button terms that will further damage our nation's image in the Islamic world," said Dawud Walid, the Michigan Executive Director of CAIR (the Council on American Islamic Relations).
Walid said President George W. Bush had stopped using the term "Islamic fascist" after Muslims in America and around the world had protested that it was ill-defined and counterproductive in persuading people in the global conflict against terror.
What would CAIR have us call blood-thirsty supremacists who claim to derive legitimacy from their religion? Perhaps: "Men of peace with IEDs and butcher knives"?
LEAVING LEBANON: While the media gave huge play to a recent pro-Hezbollah demonstration in Beirut, there was virtually no coverage of the tens of thousands of Lebanese Christians who rallied two days later.
At that event, anti-Syrian Christian leader Samir Geagea said that most Lebanese "feel that a major catastrophe [has] befallen them and made their present and future uncertain."
Indeed, thousands of Lebanese Christians are said to be packing up and leaving Lebanon because of their fear of Hezbollah.
Not that many years ago, Lebanon was a majority Christian country. Call it slow-motion ethnic cleaning.
METRICS: More than 4,000 al Qaeda terrorists have been killed in Iraq, according to the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq who gave the figure in an audiotape posted on the Internet last week.
"The blood has been spilled in Iraq of more than 4,000 foreigners who came to fight," said Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, who succeeded Abu Musab al-Zarqawi as commander of the al-Qaeda franchise in Iraq.
Whatever you may think of the wisdom of having invaded Iraq in 2003, whatever you may think of the current strategy in Iraq (I believe it requires serious revision), consider this: If these al-Qaeda terrorists had not been killed in Iraq, where would they be today and what would they be doing?
CAIR-LESS: The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) is attacking Rep. Thaddeus McCotter because he has called those slaughtering innocent Iraqi Muslims "jihadist-fascists."
"Representative McCotter should use his time on the House floor to foster dialogue and mutual understanding, not to introduce hot-button terms that will further damage our nation's image in the Islamic world," said Dawud Walid, the Michigan Executive Director of CAIR (the Council on American Islamic Relations).
Walid said President George W. Bush had stopped using the term "Islamic fascist" after Muslims in America and around the world had protested that it was ill-defined and counterproductive in persuading people in the global conflict against terror.
What would CAIR have us call blood-thirsty supremacists who claim to derive legitimacy from their religion? Perhaps: "Men of peace with IEDs and butcher knives"?
LEAVING LEBANON: While the media gave huge play to a recent pro-Hezbollah demonstration in Beirut, there was virtually no coverage of the tens of thousands of Lebanese Christians who rallied two days later.
At that event, anti-Syrian Christian leader Samir Geagea said that most Lebanese "feel that a major catastrophe [has] befallen them and made their present and future uncertain."
Indeed, thousands of Lebanese Christians are said to be packing up and leaving Lebanon because of their fear of Hezbollah.
Not that many years ago, Lebanon was a majority Christian country. Call it slow-motion ethnic cleaning.
LARK Program
THE LARK PROGRAM
A liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about
the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
Guantanamo Bay . She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of
the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
Bay , Cuba .
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington . You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed
guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure
that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so
strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you
may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this
might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This
is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka
over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and
his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
GEORGE W. BUSH
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus
Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.
A liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about
the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
Guantanamo Bay . She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of
the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
Bay , Cuba .
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington . You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed
guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure
that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so
strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you
may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this
might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This
is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka
over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and
his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
GEORGE W. BUSH
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus
Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.
Interesting
Texas history.....
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas ..
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883 .
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach for Rice University in Houston .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900 caused by a hurricane in which over 8000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969 , was " Houston ."
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US . rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as Constitution of 1845 by Republic of Texas to enter the union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas flag to fly at the same height as the US flag, and may divide into 4 States.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885.
There is no period after Dr in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
18.1 Washington-on-the-Brazos
18.2 Harrisburg
18.3 Galveston
18.4 Velasco
18.5 West Columbia
18.6 Austin
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S which is taller than the CapitolBuilding in Washington D.C. (by 7 feet).
20. The name Texas comes from the Hasini Indian word "tejas" meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .
21. The State animal is the Armadillo. (An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies! They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females. Well, I thought it was interesting anyway!)
22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .
23. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS - TEXAS STYLE People here in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the ten Commandments. Folks here just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:
Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas .
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple don't ya think?
Y'all have a good Day.
Ye hear now ?
"THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU"
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas ..
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883 .
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach for Rice University in Houston .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900 caused by a hurricane in which over 8000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969 , was " Houston ."
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US . rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as Constitution of 1845 by Republic of Texas to enter the union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas flag to fly at the same height as the US flag, and may divide into 4 States.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885.
There is no period after Dr in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
18.1 Washington-on-the-Brazos
18.2 Harrisburg
18.3 Galveston
18.4 Velasco
18.5 West Columbia
18.6 Austin
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S which is taller than the CapitolBuilding in Washington D.C. (by 7 feet).
20. The name Texas comes from the Hasini Indian word "tejas" meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .
21. The State animal is the Armadillo. (An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies! They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females. Well, I thought it was interesting anyway!)
22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .
23. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS - TEXAS STYLE People here in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the ten Commandments. Folks here just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:
Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas .
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple don't ya think?
Y'all have a good Day.
Ye hear now ?
"THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU"
Monday, September 18, 2006
Pissing me off
Ok so for a while I have tried to keep out of the political issues because I was tired of all the crap. But the Muslims are pissing me off.
First of all it is not a religion of peace. If they were a religious group of peace then when someone says something bad about them they would not riot, or throw fire bombs at churches on the West Bank, or shoot to death a nun in Somalia, or burn images in the streets of the pope.
You are a bunch of FLIPPIN Morons. All you want is an excuse to go on a rampage and blame it on someone hurting your feelings. Some of us here in America learn something when we are little kids...Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. (However the tree hugging hippie libs in this country are like you idiots and start crying and crap when people hurt their feelings.)
You don't see me getting all upset and calling for protest and riots because you are burning figures of the pope in streets. I not throwing fire bombs at mosques here in the US. You are doing exactly what the pope said, spreading violence and evil. You can call me whatever you want but I am still not going to strap 20 pounds of explosives to my chest and run into a school because you mad me "upset" !!!! Your religion and its leaders are full of evil and violence. Mohammed is a jackass and you can wage your little jihad all you want. But please stop crying you bunch of babies and stop blaming your need to blow shit up on how your feelings got hurt because someone told the truth about your crappy religion.
You want apologies...Well so do I for the following from the Muslim leaders.
1. The 3000+ dead on 9/11
2. The bombing of the USS Cole
3. The bombing of the US Embassies
4. The 168 dead in Madrid
5. The 54 dead in London
6. The Taliban destruction of centuries old Buddhist statues
7. The millions dead in Darfur
8. The declaration of war on Christianity
9. For making Jews wear stars of David on their sleeves in Tehran
10. For making Hindus wear symbols on their clothes in Iran
11. For threatening to behead a Christian in Afghanistan for converting to Christianity
12. For banning bibles in Saudi Arabia
13. For burning the American flag in your streets
14. For beheading US citizens in Iraq
15. For burning images of the pope in your streets
16. For threatening to wipe Israel off the map
17. For continuing to push your followers to protest this stupid situation
AND
18. For the 1.5 billion F'IN idiotic followers that are threatening world civilization !!!!!!!!
The list can still go on but I am tired of this crap. Maybe if your leaders come out with apologies for the above I might start to give a rat's ass about you, your religion, or your opinions. Until then go back to the shithole you call a home and stop trying to ruin the world. On second thought, not even an apology for the above would make think you are more than just a pack of crazy f'in idiots.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
First of all it is not a religion of peace. If they were a religious group of peace then when someone says something bad about them they would not riot, or throw fire bombs at churches on the West Bank, or shoot to death a nun in Somalia, or burn images in the streets of the pope.
You are a bunch of FLIPPIN Morons. All you want is an excuse to go on a rampage and blame it on someone hurting your feelings. Some of us here in America learn something when we are little kids...Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. (However the tree hugging hippie libs in this country are like you idiots and start crying and crap when people hurt their feelings.)
You don't see me getting all upset and calling for protest and riots because you are burning figures of the pope in streets. I not throwing fire bombs at mosques here in the US. You are doing exactly what the pope said, spreading violence and evil. You can call me whatever you want but I am still not going to strap 20 pounds of explosives to my chest and run into a school because you mad me "upset" !!!! Your religion and its leaders are full of evil and violence. Mohammed is a jackass and you can wage your little jihad all you want. But please stop crying you bunch of babies and stop blaming your need to blow shit up on how your feelings got hurt because someone told the truth about your crappy religion.
You want apologies...Well so do I for the following from the Muslim leaders.
1. The 3000+ dead on 9/11
2. The bombing of the USS Cole
3. The bombing of the US Embassies
4. The 168 dead in Madrid
5. The 54 dead in London
6. The Taliban destruction of centuries old Buddhist statues
7. The millions dead in Darfur
8. The declaration of war on Christianity
9. For making Jews wear stars of David on their sleeves in Tehran
10. For making Hindus wear symbols on their clothes in Iran
11. For threatening to behead a Christian in Afghanistan for converting to Christianity
12. For banning bibles in Saudi Arabia
13. For burning the American flag in your streets
14. For beheading US citizens in Iraq
15. For burning images of the pope in your streets
16. For threatening to wipe Israel off the map
17. For continuing to push your followers to protest this stupid situation
AND
18. For the 1.5 billion F'IN idiotic followers that are threatening world civilization !!!!!!!!
The list can still go on but I am tired of this crap. Maybe if your leaders come out with apologies for the above I might start to give a rat's ass about you, your religion, or your opinions. Until then go back to the shithole you call a home and stop trying to ruin the world. On second thought, not even an apology for the above would make think you are more than just a pack of crazy f'in idiots.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
So much to talk about
So I am still raising funds for my Lance Armstrong race. I have been training. This past Saturday I did almost 20 miles. The route in Austin will be much harder due to the hills compared with the flat roads I have been riding on. But I am determined to make it. See my other post for donation links or I will post it again in a day or so.
My wifey's doctors appointment went well. All is good and the baby is growing. I haven't felt it kick or anything yet. My wife has. Due date still January 15th.
I will update more as it comes
My wifey's doctors appointment went well. All is good and the baby is growing. I haven't felt it kick or anything yet. My wife has. Due date still January 15th.
I will update more as it comes
Thursday, September 07, 2006
About my Grandmother
Well, where do I begin. My brothers and I have had a tuff summer. My other grandmother passed away this past weekend. We have laid to rest all of the grandparents we knew. My grandfather on my Mom's side passed away before any of his grandchildren were born. Man I wish I would have met him. I wish I could sit down and listen to stories about my mom, aunts and uncle. But my grandmother is with him and my two aunts now. One day I will see them all again and get that chance to speak with my grandfather.
We called this grandmother Memaw as well (thanks to my older brother). Memaw was a wonderful grandmother. I remember always spending the night at her house when we were kids. Always great food and plenty of ice cream for desert. Memaw always loved having her grandchildren around. Many times it wouldn't just be me and my brothers but our cousins too. We all grew up like brothers. She had a great climbing tree in her back yard. When she would drive us to places she was always playing classical music in her car. She would wave her hand back and forth like she was conducting the orchestra. Back then we always use to make fun of how she did it. She never cared she just loved the music. Now remembering how she use to do it, it brings a smile to my face. Memaw use to come to soccer games, choir concerts or anything else we had going on. She would always be there in the seats support us. Holidays and get togethers were always a blast at her house. First there was always enough food to serve a small army and she always reminded us of that. Heck there were always so many people there that we probably could have invaded a small country. At Christmas she always had a cool tree. She had some very old ornaments and from what I have been told some of them from WWII era. I always thought those were the coolest. There was always a stocking for everyone there. And with the size of our family just imagine about 100 stockings by the fireplace. She always gave each of us a mushy birthday card about how we were the best grandchild in the world. I can tell my brothers and cousins now that she liked me the most but I swore never to tell anyone. Just kidding. She loved all of her grandchildren dearly. The first thing anyone had to do no matter how old you were was when you walked through the door you had to go give Memaw a kiss hello. And when you left you better give her a kiss good-bye. You don't want to mess with an Irish hex.
She always talked about Ireland and talked about going back to Oregon. But I think her most favorite place was Galveston, TX. Every year my family would rent a beach house in Galveston for a week. She loved to sit on the front porch facing the water and read and relax in the breeze. She would watch us play in the sand, go swimming and fishing in the surf. She would come down and swim with us and she would float on her back in the water while singing some of the most funny songs any young kid could imagine. And of course my mom, aunts, and uncle taught us a few gross ones of course. You all know what I am talking about....Great Green Globs.....Worms crawl in... you know the ones and are probably singing them to yourself now.....and now are laughing at yourself because you know I caught you doing it. Anyway we (brothers, cousins, uncle) would get up bright and early to go fishing out in the surf. We knew that once the sun came up we could always look back at the house and there Memaw would be on the porch reading her book and enjoying her morning coffee. She would always ask as we walked back under the house if we caught anything and was so excited when we did. That meant she got some fresh trout for lunch or dinner. When we would be arriving at Galveston and we would get the first sight of the Gulf she would always say "There's the Big Water!!!" Good times.
When I was able to drive and as she got older she use to ask me to come over and do some things around the house. Mostly gardening work. At her old house on Hazen she had a few rose bushes. I soon learned when the proper time to cut them back and feed them (Valentines day) and how to cut the flowers so that the plant would put out more. I always would like to think of myself as her "Rose Man". This is where I gained my love for roses. Memaw had some beautiful roses and loved to cut them and put them in the house. Every time I saw one in the house I knew I had a hand in it and knew that it made her happy.
My grandmother always talked highly about my parents. Even as a teenager when I thought they were totally unfair/not cool she would always remind me of how great my parents were. She would always say that my dad was a very good husband, my mom was a very good wife, and how they were excellent parents to me and my brothers. She was 100% right. She raised my mom, aunts and uncle to be great people and my other grandparents raised my dad, aunts, and uncle to be great too.
I would have to say that on both sides of my family I have had the greatest mom, dad, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins any child could ever wish for.
I know that if I can be just half as good as my parents and grandparents are/were then my kids and grandchildren are going to be just fine.
I could go on and on about my grandparents but will save that for another time and place.
Memaw, we love and miss you. Say hi to Grandpa Flanagan, Memaw and Bepaw Morgan, Geeg, and Nanie for us.
Love
Tom and all of your grandchildren
We called this grandmother Memaw as well (thanks to my older brother). Memaw was a wonderful grandmother. I remember always spending the night at her house when we were kids. Always great food and plenty of ice cream for desert. Memaw always loved having her grandchildren around. Many times it wouldn't just be me and my brothers but our cousins too. We all grew up like brothers. She had a great climbing tree in her back yard. When she would drive us to places she was always playing classical music in her car. She would wave her hand back and forth like she was conducting the orchestra. Back then we always use to make fun of how she did it. She never cared she just loved the music. Now remembering how she use to do it, it brings a smile to my face. Memaw use to come to soccer games, choir concerts or anything else we had going on. She would always be there in the seats support us. Holidays and get togethers were always a blast at her house. First there was always enough food to serve a small army and she always reminded us of that. Heck there were always so many people there that we probably could have invaded a small country. At Christmas she always had a cool tree. She had some very old ornaments and from what I have been told some of them from WWII era. I always thought those were the coolest. There was always a stocking for everyone there. And with the size of our family just imagine about 100 stockings by the fireplace. She always gave each of us a mushy birthday card about how we were the best grandchild in the world. I can tell my brothers and cousins now that she liked me the most but I swore never to tell anyone. Just kidding. She loved all of her grandchildren dearly. The first thing anyone had to do no matter how old you were was when you walked through the door you had to go give Memaw a kiss hello. And when you left you better give her a kiss good-bye. You don't want to mess with an Irish hex.
She always talked about Ireland and talked about going back to Oregon. But I think her most favorite place was Galveston, TX. Every year my family would rent a beach house in Galveston for a week. She loved to sit on the front porch facing the water and read and relax in the breeze. She would watch us play in the sand, go swimming and fishing in the surf. She would come down and swim with us and she would float on her back in the water while singing some of the most funny songs any young kid could imagine. And of course my mom, aunts, and uncle taught us a few gross ones of course. You all know what I am talking about....Great Green Globs.....Worms crawl in... you know the ones and are probably singing them to yourself now.....and now are laughing at yourself because you know I caught you doing it. Anyway we (brothers, cousins, uncle) would get up bright and early to go fishing out in the surf. We knew that once the sun came up we could always look back at the house and there Memaw would be on the porch reading her book and enjoying her morning coffee. She would always ask as we walked back under the house if we caught anything and was so excited when we did. That meant she got some fresh trout for lunch or dinner. When we would be arriving at Galveston and we would get the first sight of the Gulf she would always say "There's the Big Water!!!" Good times.
When I was able to drive and as she got older she use to ask me to come over and do some things around the house. Mostly gardening work. At her old house on Hazen she had a few rose bushes. I soon learned when the proper time to cut them back and feed them (Valentines day) and how to cut the flowers so that the plant would put out more. I always would like to think of myself as her "Rose Man". This is where I gained my love for roses. Memaw had some beautiful roses and loved to cut them and put them in the house. Every time I saw one in the house I knew I had a hand in it and knew that it made her happy.
My grandmother always talked highly about my parents. Even as a teenager when I thought they were totally unfair/not cool she would always remind me of how great my parents were. She would always say that my dad was a very good husband, my mom was a very good wife, and how they were excellent parents to me and my brothers. She was 100% right. She raised my mom, aunts and uncle to be great people and my other grandparents raised my dad, aunts, and uncle to be great too.
I would have to say that on both sides of my family I have had the greatest mom, dad, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins any child could ever wish for.
I know that if I can be just half as good as my parents and grandparents are/were then my kids and grandchildren are going to be just fine.
I could go on and on about my grandparents but will save that for another time and place.
Memaw, we love and miss you. Say hi to Grandpa Flanagan, Memaw and Bepaw Morgan, Geeg, and Nanie for us.
Love
Tom and all of your grandchildren
My Grandmother
STELLA "Catherine" WEISS FLANAGAN, 82, of Houston, died Friday, September 1, 2006, surrounded by her family. Catherine was born August 20, 1924, in Houston, Texas, the youngest child of L. A. "Buster" and Anna Mae Weiss. Catherine attended Holy Rosary and St. Agnes schools prior to attending the University of Houston where she studied music. Shortly thereafter her adventures took her to Portland, Oregon, where she met her husband, James Flanagan. Jim and Catherine were married and had their first child in Portland before returning to Texas to settle in Houston. Everyone who knew Catherine knew she was a spirited person whose love of music, cooking, entertaining and being surrounded by those she loved could only be matched by her love of Galveston and the annual trips there with her family and friends. Her love of life and sense of adventure will be missed by all. Catherine is preceded in death by her parents, her brother Gorman Weiss, husband Jim, daughters Mary Ann Flanagan and Gerry Kopecky. She is survived by her children and their spouses, Margaret and Scott Morgan, Cathy and Matt Flannery, Elizabeth and Doug Brown, all of Houston, Patricia Flanagan of Austin and James and Tina Flanagan of Nichols, South Carolina; and grandchildren and great grandchildren: Daniel, Thomas and Kari, Nicholas and Kristin Morgan; Anthony, Frank, Tara and Leah, and Michael Flannery; Trey, Kevin, Colleen and Ja'Vien Kopecky; Benjamin Brown; Nicole and Cody Flanagan. Pallbearers will be her grandsons and honorary pallbearers will be Dr. Stuart Boren, Mr. F. R. McCauley, Mr. Lloyd Waguespack, Mr. Finis Lewellin and the Honorable Frank Rynd. The family wishes to express its gratitude to Vitas Hospice for the loving care they provided in Catherine's final hours and for the caregivers at Park Manor during her stay there. Visitation will be from 7 to 9 p.m. on Monday, September 4, 2006, with a Rosary at 8:00 p.m. at Klein Funeral Home at 16131 Champion Forest Drive, Spring. Funeral Mass will be held at Prince of Peace Catholic Community, 19222 Tomball Parkway (FM249), Houston on Tuesday, September 5, at 2pm. Interment will take place at Resthaven Cemetery, 13102 North Freeway (I-45N). Donations may be made to the charity of your choice.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Been Busy
Hello everyone out there in never never land (if anyone actually reads this). I have been busy and lots of stuff going on in my life. The most important being in these pictures.
Yes, that's right, pretty soon there will be a little one running around the house. This is our first one. These pictures are at 18 weeks. Pretty amazing. Just watching the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat is unbelievable. Due date is January 15. Almost halfway there. I will post more pictures as we go along.
We are not going to find out what it is. But we have picked out the names. For a boy Taylor Patrick and for a girl Madison Avery.
Now my master plan is to have 10 in order to field a baseball team and have a closing pitcher....However my wifey seems to think that is a little much. But how cool would that be !!!!!
Anyway I hope to post more soon. And to everyone that has donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation for me THANKS !!!!!
Yes, that's right, pretty soon there will be a little one running around the house. This is our first one. These pictures are at 18 weeks. Pretty amazing. Just watching the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat is unbelievable. Due date is January 15. Almost halfway there. I will post more pictures as we go along.
We are not going to find out what it is. But we have picked out the names. For a boy Taylor Patrick and for a girl Madison Avery.
Now my master plan is to have 10 in order to field a baseball team and have a closing pitcher....However my wifey seems to think that is a little much. But how cool would that be !!!!!
Anyway I hope to post more soon. And to everyone that has donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation for me THANKS !!!!!
Good Point
The man is Rick Mathes a prison minister. I thought it was good
reading.
The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita in the
United States, especially in the minority races!!!
"Allah or Jesus?" by Rick Mathes (A well known leader in prison
ministry)
Last month, I attended my annual training session that's required for
maintaining my state prison security clearance. During the training
session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the
Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of
their beliefs.
I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say.
The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete
with
a video.
After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers.
When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked:
"Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams and
clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the
infidels of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a
command to all Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If
that's
the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?"
There was no disagreement with my statements and, without hesitation,
he
replied, "Non-believers!"
I responded, "So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers
of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith
so they can have a place in Heaven. Is that correct?"
The _expression on his face changed from one of authority and command
to
that of "a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the
cookie jar." He sheepishly replied, "Yes"
I then stated, "Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope
John Paul commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr.
Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee
them a place in Heaven!"
The Imam was speechless.
I continued, "I also have a problem with being your 'friend' , when you
and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me
ask you a question. Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to
kill me in order for you to go to Heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to
love you because I am going to Heaven and He wants you to be there with
me?"
You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in shame. Needless to say, the organizers and/or promoters of the
'Diversification' training seminar were not happy with Rick's way of
dealing with the Islamic Imam and exposing the truth about the Muslims'
beliefs. In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the
U.S.to elect the President! I think everyone in the US should be
required to read this but with the liberal justice system, liberal
media,and the ACLU, there is no way this will be widely publicized.
Please pass this on to all your e-mail contacts.
This is a true story and the author, Rick Mathes, is a well known
leader
in prison ministry
A man only accepts the hand of his rescuer, once he realizes he is
drowning, and cannot save himself
reading.
The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita in the
United States, especially in the minority races!!!
"Allah or Jesus?" by Rick Mathes (A well known leader in prison
ministry)
Last month, I attended my annual training session that's required for
maintaining my state prison security clearance. During the training
session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the
Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of
their beliefs.
I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say.
The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete
with
a video.
After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers.
When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked:
"Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams and
clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the
infidels of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a
command to all Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If
that's
the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?"
There was no disagreement with my statements and, without hesitation,
he
replied, "Non-believers!"
I responded, "So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers
of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith
so they can have a place in Heaven. Is that correct?"
The _expression on his face changed from one of authority and command
to
that of "a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the
cookie jar." He sheepishly replied, "Yes"
I then stated, "Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope
John Paul commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr.
Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee
them a place in Heaven!"
The Imam was speechless.
I continued, "I also have a problem with being your 'friend' , when you
and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me
ask you a question. Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to
kill me in order for you to go to Heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to
love you because I am going to Heaven and He wants you to be there with
me?"
You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in shame. Needless to say, the organizers and/or promoters of the
'Diversification' training seminar were not happy with Rick's way of
dealing with the Islamic Imam and exposing the truth about the Muslims'
beliefs. In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the
U.S.to elect the President! I think everyone in the US should be
required to read this but with the liberal justice system, liberal
media,and the ACLU, there is no way this will be widely publicized.
Please pass this on to all your e-mail contacts.
This is a true story and the author, Rick Mathes, is a well known
leader
in prison ministry
A man only accepts the hand of his rescuer, once he realizes he is
drowning, and cannot save himself
US Marine
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the
courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the
ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock
me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room
fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the
professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the
last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the
professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor
was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The
other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine
and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's
troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an
asshole. ................So, He sent me."
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the
courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the
ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock
me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room
fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the
professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the
last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the
professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor
was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The
other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine
and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's
troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an
asshole. ................So, He sent me."
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
About my Grandmother
She went by Memaw to all of her grandchildren. Most of the time she was quiet and just let my grandfather ramble on about business deals, Alabama football or whatever. I can still hear her say, "Oh Pat..." at things she thought were crazy that my grandfather would say. Her house was always spotless. She always had plenty of toys and books to play with and read. The food she cooked was always great. She had stashes of candy around the house. One of my fondest memories was that as we were leaving each time my parents took my brothers and I to visit we would each ask Memaw if we could have a piece of candy for the ride home. Of course the answer was always yes. We never took more than one nor asked for candy at any other time but when it was time to leave. I guess we always thought that if we took or asked for more then there would not be any next time. Boy did that candy taste good on the ride home. The ride was only 20 or 30 minutes but as a kid that is eternity. The candy just made the ride go by faster. Memaw always had a bird feeder and sometimes complained how the squirrels were taking all the food but she kept refilling it just to see the birds.
Now to my most favorite and most cherished memory. When I was young my mother use to ask me at my birthday what kind of cake I would like. I would always say I wanted Memaw's chocolate cake. Holy crap that was a good cake. I cannot explain in simple words how good it was. I never knew how she did it but that cake tasted better every year. Before we got married my wife had a shower with a kitchen theme. People were asked to give recipes. My grandmother could not make it. However my wife and I received the recipe for the chocolate cake. I think that out of everything we received for the showers and wedding, that recipe is my most favorite gift and I will cherish it forever. I have not tried to make it yet but I don't think I could do it the same anyway. It was just something about Memaw's Chocolate Cake. It must have been all the experience and the great amount of care and love put into it that made it so damn good. Sorry for the strong language but really it was the BEST you just don't even know. Maybe one day I will try to make it and post the recipe on here.
Now Memaw is in a better place. She is with her family and most importantly with my grandfather. Whether my grandfather would admit it or not, he always needed her and she always needed him. Now they are together again.
Memaw, keep Bepaw in line up there and make sure he keeps it down when Alabama is playing football. Also one more favor. Make that chocolate cake for all the children up in heaven, they will love it!!!!!
We love and miss you
Tom and all of your grandchildren
Now to my most favorite and most cherished memory. When I was young my mother use to ask me at my birthday what kind of cake I would like. I would always say I wanted Memaw's chocolate cake. Holy crap that was a good cake. I cannot explain in simple words how good it was. I never knew how she did it but that cake tasted better every year. Before we got married my wife had a shower with a kitchen theme. People were asked to give recipes. My grandmother could not make it. However my wife and I received the recipe for the chocolate cake. I think that out of everything we received for the showers and wedding, that recipe is my most favorite gift and I will cherish it forever. I have not tried to make it yet but I don't think I could do it the same anyway. It was just something about Memaw's Chocolate Cake. It must have been all the experience and the great amount of care and love put into it that made it so damn good. Sorry for the strong language but really it was the BEST you just don't even know. Maybe one day I will try to make it and post the recipe on here.
Now Memaw is in a better place. She is with her family and most importantly with my grandfather. Whether my grandfather would admit it or not, he always needed her and she always needed him. Now they are together again.
Memaw, keep Bepaw in line up there and make sure he keeps it down when Alabama is playing football. Also one more favor. Make that chocolate cake for all the children up in heaven, they will love it!!!!!
We love and miss you
Tom and all of your grandchildren
My Grandmother
Helen Rockwell Morgan, 85, of Houston, died Wednesday, August 9, 2006, at home in the company of her family. Helen was born on July 11, 1921, in Camden, Arkansas, the youngest child of Byrd and Olive Rockwell. She grew up in Sheffield, Alabama, where she lived until accepting a position with the Tennessee Valley Authority in 1940. Helen moved to Knoxville and soon met her future husband, Patrick Morgan, whom she married on June 9, 1942. After several career changes and the birth of four children, Pat and Helen eventually settled in Houston in the early 60's. All who met Helen were touched by her kind manner and sweet nature. Helen is preceded in death by her parents, sisters Peggy and Mary, brothers George and Louis, grandson Seth Morgan and most recently, her husband. She is survived by her children and their spouses Scott and Margaret Morgan of Houston, Beth and Drew Black of Folsom, CA, Jack and Carole Morgan of Houston, Melissa and George Tooley of Katy, as well as ten grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Pallbearers will be grandsons Daniel, Thomas, Nicholas, Andrew and Griffin Morgan, Keegan and Jared Tooley and Morgan Black. Granddaughters Meredith Black and Kaelin Tooley will serve as lectors for her Rite of Christian Burial Mass. The family wishes to thank VistaCare Hospice for their wonderful help and support during Helen's last days and the staff at the Atria Westchase for their devotion to our mother and Memaw. Visitation will be from 7 to 9 p.m. on Friday, August 11, with a Rosary at 8 p.m. at Earthman Hunter's Creek, 8303 Katy Frwy, Houston. Funeral Mass will be held at St. Cyril's of Alexandria, 10503 Westheimer, Houston on Saturday, August 12, at 10:00 a.m. Interment will take place at Memorial Oaks Cemetery. Donations may be made to the Mercy Home for Boys and Girls, 1140 West Jackson Blvd, Chicago, IL, 60607-2980.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Please help
Hello Everyone
A few months ago my cousin, Mike, was diagnosed with cancer. This is the same type of cancer that Lance Armstrong had and beat. My cousin, who I view as a brother, is a tremendous young man. He is 21 years old and attends Texas A&M at Galveston. He went through chemotherapy like a champ. The chemo did not get everything so he had to have surgery.
The Lance Armstrong Foundation raises money to fight this deadly disease. Every year they have a walk, run, and bike ride to raise funds. My family has put together a team in honor of my cousin.
I have signed up for the 40 mile bike ride. This will be a definite challenge for me in a couple of ways. First, I am not in shape at all and secondly I have never ridden a bike this far before. I am starting my training this month. The ride is October 8th in Austin, TX.
I need help from any and all that are reading this. I have to raise $500 to participate in the ride. Any contributions you can give would be greatly appreciated by Mike, my family and especially by me. The link below will take you to my website to donate online. If you would rather send cash or check you can give it to me or email me and I will send you my home address. Thomas_Morgan15@yahoo.com
Click here for online donation
With your help we can beat this thing for Mike and everyone else who suffers from it.
Thank you for your support
Tom Morgan
PS: I will be reposting this every week so that it is at the top of this page.
A few months ago my cousin, Mike, was diagnosed with cancer. This is the same type of cancer that Lance Armstrong had and beat. My cousin, who I view as a brother, is a tremendous young man. He is 21 years old and attends Texas A&M at Galveston. He went through chemotherapy like a champ. The chemo did not get everything so he had to have surgery.
The Lance Armstrong Foundation raises money to fight this deadly disease. Every year they have a walk, run, and bike ride to raise funds. My family has put together a team in honor of my cousin.
I have signed up for the 40 mile bike ride. This will be a definite challenge for me in a couple of ways. First, I am not in shape at all and secondly I have never ridden a bike this far before. I am starting my training this month. The ride is October 8th in Austin, TX.
I need help from any and all that are reading this. I have to raise $500 to participate in the ride. Any contributions you can give would be greatly appreciated by Mike, my family and especially by me. The link below will take you to my website to donate online. If you would rather send cash or check you can give it to me or email me and I will send you my home address. Thomas_Morgan15@yahoo.com
Click here for online donation
With your help we can beat this thing for Mike and everyone else who suffers from it.
Thank you for your support
Tom Morgan
PS: I will be reposting this every week so that it is at the top of this page.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Question
Read the following and figure out an answer......then look in the comments to see if you are right.
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Another "If you are reading this..." (Especially for my cousin)
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
Robot Bartender
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity' 'interstellar space travel' 'the latest medical break through's etc........?
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please'" Again it was suburb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end. The guy had to try it one more time.
So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".. The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked , " A-r-e Y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?"
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity' 'interstellar space travel' 'the latest medical break through's etc........?
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please'" Again it was suburb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end. The guy had to try it one more time.
So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".. The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked , " A-r-e Y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?"
Touching Story
A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, hecame across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thornand the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else butof being trampled.Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with hisson. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creaturesturned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant andstared back in wonder.Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunkaround one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Today's "If you are reading this"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
One more "If you're reading this" for today
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
Speeding in Arkansas
A cowboy from Texas was pulled over by an Akansas DPS Trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies ?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stopped and said, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper said and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies ?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stopped and said, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper said and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Us Senator unhurt in Air Crash
The Associated Press reports that New York Senator Hillary Clinton, narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft that she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern New Jersey because of bad weather. National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination that pilot error contributed to the accident, and that the senator was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR [instrument flight rating] conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating. The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. Photographs taken at the scene show the extent of damage to Senator Clinton's aircraft. She was very lucky.
Does anyone really read this?????
If you do let me know your thoughts on this
How can a fly, flying right side up, land on a ceiling upside down?
If you say it rolls over like a jet doing a barrel roll or something, then ok. Then does it know which way is really up and which way is down. Why doesn't it fly upside down all the time. Or does it usually fly upside down and it's legs are really on it's back?!?!?!?!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
How can a fly, flying right side up, land on a ceiling upside down?
If you say it rolls over like a jet doing a barrel roll or something, then ok. Then does it know which way is really up and which way is down. Why doesn't it fly upside down all the time. Or does it usually fly upside down and it's legs are really on it's back?!?!?!?!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
Crazy Laws of Texas
If you think I am a little off my rocker then you will get a kick out of these laws of Texas
State Laws
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.
Full text of the LawThe Texas ConstitutionArticle 1 - BILL OF RIGHTSSection 4 - RELIGIOUS TESTS
No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.
OK. I will go along with this one.
It is illegal to sell one's eye.
Full text of the Law? 48.02. Prohibition of the Purchase and Sale of Human Organs
(a) "Human organ" means the human kidney, liver, heart, lung, pancreas, eye, bone, skin, fetal tissue, or any other human organ or tissue, but does not include hair or blood, blood components (including plasma), blood derivatives, or blood reagents.
(b) A person commits an offense if he or she knowingly or intentionally offers to buy, offers to sell, acquires, receives, sells, or otherwise transfers any human organ for valuable consideration.
(c) It is an exception to the application of this section that the valuable consideration is: (1) a fee paid to a physician or to other medical personnel for services rendered in the usual course of medical practice or a fee paid for hospital or other clinical services; (2) reimbursement of legal or medical expenses incurred for the benefit of the ultimate receiver of the organ; or (3) reimbursement of expenses of travel, housing, and lost wages incurred by the donor of a human organ in connection with the donation of the organ.
(d) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.
Added by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 40, ? 1, eff. Aug. 26, 1985. Amended by Acts 1993, 73rd Leg., ch. 900, ? 1.01, eff. Sept. 1, 1994.
What????? They actually had to make this a law. How big of a crack head do you have to be to sell your own eye?
A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather.
Full text of the Law? 20.003. Weather Modification and Control Grant Program
The department shall develop and administer a program awarding matching grants to political subdivisions of this state for weather modification and control.
Added by Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 376, ? 2.01, eff. Sept. 1, 2001.
Tax dollars at work?!?!
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
Apparently this was added to another bill by a state senator in order to make the original bill not pass. Well they both passed.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
This law is probably because of something some drunk redneck did.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
A big problem especially in downtown Houston ?!?!?!
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
Apparently we have problems with mysterious milkers
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
What???? Seriously???? Do you really think they care.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Can you say Bible Belt
City Laws in Texas
Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
ExplanationIn the days of the old "wild west", cowboys would cut barbed wire fences of property owners in order to allow their cattle herds to pass through. To prevent such acts, an ordinance was passed. You better check their shoes.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University. Problems at games?
Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. Those trouble making Borgerans !!! Where the hell is Borger anyway???
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
El Paso
Urinating on the streets is illegal. Good to know.
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them. Ok?!?
Galveston
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays. So all the drunks can walk home safely???
"Offensive gestures" will not be tolerated at any special event. But not at a "special event" is ok?
Bicycles must be operated at a "reasonable speed".
Full text of the LawSec. 9-4. Speed.
No person shall operate a bicycle at a speed greater than is reasonable and prudent under the conditions then existing. (Code 1960, Ch. 21 App., ? 68) So can you get a speeding ticket?
One needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
Full text of the LawSec. 26-4. Alcoholic beverages.
It shall be unlawful for any person to consume, carry or bring any alcoholic beverage in or upon any park or playground in the city without a written permit from the director of parks and recreation.(Code 1960, ? 15-8(b)) Can I get the application?
Landing an airplane on the beach is illegal.
Full text of the LawSec. 8-11. Landing aircraft on beaches.
It shall be unlawful for any person to land or take off or operate any aircraft on the beach and what is commonly known as Seawall Boulevard except at heliports designated and approved by the Federal Aviation Administration.(Code 1960, ? 4-30) Houston, we have a problem
Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500.
Full text of the LawSec. 24-17. Impeding sidewalk.
It shall be unlawful for a person to stand or sit on a city sidewalk or city right-of-way so as to impede, physically or by intimidation, free and uninterrupted pedestrian passage. A violation of this section shall be a class C misdemeanor and upon conviction shall be punishable by a fine not to exceed five hundred dollars ($500.00).(Ord. No. 97-104, ? 2, 12-11-97) hmmmm ok
Houston
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. No wonder I can't find any.
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
Is there some kind of secret time that I am missing?
Jasper
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Even in your home?
Lubbock County
It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream. Make sure your drunk friend sits in the bed of the truck
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Who determines "unusual"
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. This law needs to be adopted world wide.
San Antonio
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
ExplanationThe Alamo was the site of a famous battle during the fight for Texas' independence from Mexico. During this battle, the fort was overrun, but not until most men fought until the death to defend it. In a highly publicized incident, Ozzy Osbourne urinated on this famed historical site which infuriated many Texans. He was banned from the site, and a law was passed to prevent such acts from happening again. Good !!!!!!
Temple
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. On the spot punk!!!
You can ride your horse in the saloon. Thank god this one passed. I thought I was going to get into trouble.
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. But you can in a saloon
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. Where do you plug them in??
State Laws
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.
Full text of the LawThe Texas ConstitutionArticle 1 - BILL OF RIGHTSSection 4 - RELIGIOUS TESTS
No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.
OK. I will go along with this one.
It is illegal to sell one's eye.
Full text of the Law? 48.02. Prohibition of the Purchase and Sale of Human Organs
(a) "Human organ" means the human kidney, liver, heart, lung, pancreas, eye, bone, skin, fetal tissue, or any other human organ or tissue, but does not include hair or blood, blood components (including plasma), blood derivatives, or blood reagents.
(b) A person commits an offense if he or she knowingly or intentionally offers to buy, offers to sell, acquires, receives, sells, or otherwise transfers any human organ for valuable consideration.
(c) It is an exception to the application of this section that the valuable consideration is: (1) a fee paid to a physician or to other medical personnel for services rendered in the usual course of medical practice or a fee paid for hospital or other clinical services; (2) reimbursement of legal or medical expenses incurred for the benefit of the ultimate receiver of the organ; or (3) reimbursement of expenses of travel, housing, and lost wages incurred by the donor of a human organ in connection with the donation of the organ.
(d) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.
Added by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 40, ? 1, eff. Aug. 26, 1985. Amended by Acts 1993, 73rd Leg., ch. 900, ? 1.01, eff. Sept. 1, 1994.
What????? They actually had to make this a law. How big of a crack head do you have to be to sell your own eye?
A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather.
Full text of the Law? 20.003. Weather Modification and Control Grant Program
The department shall develop and administer a program awarding matching grants to political subdivisions of this state for weather modification and control.
Added by Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 376, ? 2.01, eff. Sept. 1, 2001.
Tax dollars at work?!?!
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
Apparently this was added to another bill by a state senator in order to make the original bill not pass. Well they both passed.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
This law is probably because of something some drunk redneck did.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
A big problem especially in downtown Houston ?!?!?!
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
Apparently we have problems with mysterious milkers
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
What???? Seriously???? Do you really think they care.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Can you say Bible Belt
City Laws in Texas
Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
ExplanationIn the days of the old "wild west", cowboys would cut barbed wire fences of property owners in order to allow their cattle herds to pass through. To prevent such acts, an ordinance was passed. You better check their shoes.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University. Problems at games?
Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. Those trouble making Borgerans !!! Where the hell is Borger anyway???
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
El Paso
Urinating on the streets is illegal. Good to know.
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them. Ok?!?
Galveston
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays. So all the drunks can walk home safely???
"Offensive gestures" will not be tolerated at any special event. But not at a "special event" is ok?
Bicycles must be operated at a "reasonable speed".
Full text of the LawSec. 9-4. Speed.
No person shall operate a bicycle at a speed greater than is reasonable and prudent under the conditions then existing. (Code 1960, Ch. 21 App., ? 68) So can you get a speeding ticket?
One needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
Full text of the LawSec. 26-4. Alcoholic beverages.
It shall be unlawful for any person to consume, carry or bring any alcoholic beverage in or upon any park or playground in the city without a written permit from the director of parks and recreation.(Code 1960, ? 15-8(b)) Can I get the application?
Landing an airplane on the beach is illegal.
Full text of the LawSec. 8-11. Landing aircraft on beaches.
It shall be unlawful for any person to land or take off or operate any aircraft on the beach and what is commonly known as Seawall Boulevard except at heliports designated and approved by the Federal Aviation Administration.(Code 1960, ? 4-30) Houston, we have a problem
Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500.
Full text of the LawSec. 24-17. Impeding sidewalk.
It shall be unlawful for a person to stand or sit on a city sidewalk or city right-of-way so as to impede, physically or by intimidation, free and uninterrupted pedestrian passage. A violation of this section shall be a class C misdemeanor and upon conviction shall be punishable by a fine not to exceed five hundred dollars ($500.00).(Ord. No. 97-104, ? 2, 12-11-97) hmmmm ok
Houston
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. No wonder I can't find any.
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
Is there some kind of secret time that I am missing?
Jasper
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Even in your home?
Lubbock County
It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream. Make sure your drunk friend sits in the bed of the truck
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Who determines "unusual"
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. This law needs to be adopted world wide.
San Antonio
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
ExplanationThe Alamo was the site of a famous battle during the fight for Texas' independence from Mexico. During this battle, the fort was overrun, but not until most men fought until the death to defend it. In a highly publicized incident, Ozzy Osbourne urinated on this famed historical site which infuriated many Texans. He was banned from the site, and a law was passed to prevent such acts from happening again. Good !!!!!!
Temple
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. On the spot punk!!!
You can ride your horse in the saloon. Thank god this one passed. I thought I was going to get into trouble.
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. But you can in a saloon
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. Where do you plug them in??
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Great Signs
Go to this restaurants website and check out the signs this guy puts up. Some are extremely true and funny.
Casa D' Ice
See ya
Casa D' Ice
See ya
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