I told you I would post more so here you go.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up, little guy.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 'Mankind'. Basically, it's made up of two separate words: 'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and so is mankind.
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Sayings that throw liberals into a blind RAGE
In no particular order.
1. One Nation Under GOD
2. God Bless You
3. George W. Bush
4. In God We Trust
5. Tax Cuts
6. The 2nd Amendment
7. Merry Christmas
8. Happy Easter
9. I'm a right wing conservative (thanks Lisa)
10. Abortion is murder (thanks Lisa)
These are just a few that I can think of but if anyone has any more let me know and I will add them to this list.
1. One Nation Under GOD
2. God Bless You
3. George W. Bush
4. In God We Trust
5. Tax Cuts
6. The 2nd Amendment
7. Merry Christmas
8. Happy Easter
9. I'm a right wing conservative (thanks Lisa)
10. Abortion is murder (thanks Lisa)
These are just a few that I can think of but if anyone has any more let me know and I will add them to this list.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Good Point
Welfare - A Subtle Destroyer of the Human Spirit>>Posted: Creators Syndicate Inc.
September 14, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern (c) 2005
In his 1935 State of the Union Address, FDR (President Franklin D. Roosevelt) spoke to a nation mired in the Depression, but still marinated in conservative values: "Continued dependence upon welfare", said FDR, "induces a spiritual disintegration which is fundamentally destructive to the national fiber. To dole our relief in this way is to
administer a narcotic, a subtle destroyer, of the human spirit."
Behind FDR's statement was the conviction that, while the Government must step in, in an emergency, in normal times, men provide the food, clothing and shelter for their families.
And we did, until the war pulled us out of the Depression and a postwar boom made us, in John K. Galbraith's phrase, "The Affluent Society." By the 1960's, America, the richest country on earth, was growing ever more prosperous, but with the 1964 landslide of LBJ, liberalism triumphed and began its great experiment.
Behind the Great Society was a great idea: to lift America's poor out of poverty, government should now take care of all their basic needs. By giving the poor welfare, subsidized food, public housing and free medical care, the government will end poverty in America.
At the Superdome, and New Orleans Convention Center, we saw the failure of 40 years of the Great Society. No sooner had Katrina passed by and the 17th Street levee broke than hundreds of young men who should have taken charge in helping the aged, the
sick and the women with babies to safety took to the streets to shoot, loot and rape. The New Orleans police, their numbers cut by deserters who left their posts to look after their own, engaged in running gun battles all day long just to stay alive, and to protect people.
It was the character and conduct of its people that makes the New Orleans disaster unique. After a hurricane, people's needs are simple: food, water, shelter, medical attention. But even this can be hard to meet. People buried in rubble, or those hiding in the attics of flooded homes are difficult to get to when covering such a large area. But, even with the incompetence of the Mayor, Governor & the torpor of Federal Officials, this was possible.
Coast Guard helicopters were operating Tuesday. There were roads open into the city for SUV's, buses and trucks. While New Orleans was flooded with stagnant water, people walked through it to the Convention Center and Superdome. The flimsiest boat could navigate.
Even if the Government dithered for days - so what - this does not explain the failure of the people themselves.
Between 1865 and 1940, the South - having lost a fourth of its best and bravest in battle, devastated by war, mired in poverty - was famous for the hardy self-reliance of her people, both black and white.
In 1940, hundreds of British fishermen and yachtsmen sailed back and forth daily under fire across a turbulent 23-mile Channel to rescue 300,000 soldiers stranded in Dunkirk. How do we explain to the world that a tenth that number of Americans could not be reached, in four
days, from across a simple stagnant pond?
The real disaster of Katrina was that society broke down. An
entire community could not come together, and cope. Liberalism, the idea that good intentions, and Government programs, can build a Great Society, was exposed as "fraud". After Trillions of tax dollars for Welfare, food stamps, public housing, job training and education have poured into the area since 1965, poverty remains pandemic. But today, when the police vanish, "community" disappears, and the sickening thought rises up of
men taking to the streets to prey on women and the weak.
Stranded for days in a pool of fetid water, almost everyone waited for the Government to come to save them. The stranded screamed into the cameras for help, the reporters screamed into the cameras for help, and the "civil rights leaders" screamed into the cameras that President Bush was responsible, and that President Bush was a racist.
Over the course of history, Americans as a whole, were famous for taking the initiative, for having young leaders rise up in a crisis to take command. See any of that at the Superdome?
Sri Lankans, and Indonesians, far poorer than we, did not behave like this in a tsunami that took 400 times as many lives as Katrina has.
We are the descendants of men and women who braved the North Atlantic in wooden boats to build a country in a strange land. Our ancestors traveled thousands of miles in covered wagons, fighting off Indians far braver than those "cowards" preying on the New Orleans' weak and poor.
Watching that performance in the Crescent City, it seems clear: We are not the people our parents were. And what are all our "Lords Temporal" now howling for? Though they erroneously accused Government of failing at every level, they want more government.
FDR was right. A "spiritual disintegration" has overtaken us. Government-as-first provider, the big idea of the Great Society, has proven to be "a narcotic, and a subtle destroyer of the human spirit."
Either we get off this narcotic, or it kills us, simple as that.
September 14, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern (c) 2005
In his 1935 State of the Union Address, FDR (President Franklin D. Roosevelt) spoke to a nation mired in the Depression, but still marinated in conservative values: "Continued dependence upon welfare", said FDR, "induces a spiritual disintegration which is fundamentally destructive to the national fiber. To dole our relief in this way is to
administer a narcotic, a subtle destroyer, of the human spirit."
Behind FDR's statement was the conviction that, while the Government must step in, in an emergency, in normal times, men provide the food, clothing and shelter for their families.
And we did, until the war pulled us out of the Depression and a postwar boom made us, in John K. Galbraith's phrase, "The Affluent Society." By the 1960's, America, the richest country on earth, was growing ever more prosperous, but with the 1964 landslide of LBJ, liberalism triumphed and began its great experiment.
Behind the Great Society was a great idea: to lift America's poor out of poverty, government should now take care of all their basic needs. By giving the poor welfare, subsidized food, public housing and free medical care, the government will end poverty in America.
At the Superdome, and New Orleans Convention Center, we saw the failure of 40 years of the Great Society. No sooner had Katrina passed by and the 17th Street levee broke than hundreds of young men who should have taken charge in helping the aged, the
sick and the women with babies to safety took to the streets to shoot, loot and rape. The New Orleans police, their numbers cut by deserters who left their posts to look after their own, engaged in running gun battles all day long just to stay alive, and to protect people.
It was the character and conduct of its people that makes the New Orleans disaster unique. After a hurricane, people's needs are simple: food, water, shelter, medical attention. But even this can be hard to meet. People buried in rubble, or those hiding in the attics of flooded homes are difficult to get to when covering such a large area. But, even with the incompetence of the Mayor, Governor & the torpor of Federal Officials, this was possible.
Coast Guard helicopters were operating Tuesday. There were roads open into the city for SUV's, buses and trucks. While New Orleans was flooded with stagnant water, people walked through it to the Convention Center and Superdome. The flimsiest boat could navigate.
Even if the Government dithered for days - so what - this does not explain the failure of the people themselves.
Between 1865 and 1940, the South - having lost a fourth of its best and bravest in battle, devastated by war, mired in poverty - was famous for the hardy self-reliance of her people, both black and white.
In 1940, hundreds of British fishermen and yachtsmen sailed back and forth daily under fire across a turbulent 23-mile Channel to rescue 300,000 soldiers stranded in Dunkirk. How do we explain to the world that a tenth that number of Americans could not be reached, in four
days, from across a simple stagnant pond?
The real disaster of Katrina was that society broke down. An
entire community could not come together, and cope. Liberalism, the idea that good intentions, and Government programs, can build a Great Society, was exposed as "fraud". After Trillions of tax dollars for Welfare, food stamps, public housing, job training and education have poured into the area since 1965, poverty remains pandemic. But today, when the police vanish, "community" disappears, and the sickening thought rises up of
men taking to the streets to prey on women and the weak.
Stranded for days in a pool of fetid water, almost everyone waited for the Government to come to save them. The stranded screamed into the cameras for help, the reporters screamed into the cameras for help, and the "civil rights leaders" screamed into the cameras that President Bush was responsible, and that President Bush was a racist.
Over the course of history, Americans as a whole, were famous for taking the initiative, for having young leaders rise up in a crisis to take command. See any of that at the Superdome?
Sri Lankans, and Indonesians, far poorer than we, did not behave like this in a tsunami that took 400 times as many lives as Katrina has.
We are the descendants of men and women who braved the North Atlantic in wooden boats to build a country in a strange land. Our ancestors traveled thousands of miles in covered wagons, fighting off Indians far braver than those "cowards" preying on the New Orleans' weak and poor.
Watching that performance in the Crescent City, it seems clear: We are not the people our parents were. And what are all our "Lords Temporal" now howling for? Though they erroneously accused Government of failing at every level, they want more government.
FDR was right. A "spiritual disintegration" has overtaken us. Government-as-first provider, the big idea of the Great Society, has proven to be "a narcotic, and a subtle destroyer of the human spirit."
Either we get off this narcotic, or it kills us, simple as that.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Just in From New York CIty
A stock broker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a
dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than
usual."
He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars,
so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her
motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set
herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and
the Democrats told her to forget about running for president in 2008. So
we're taking up a collection for her."
The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies, "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of the folks are
still siphoning,"
dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than
usual."
He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars,
so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her
motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set
herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and
the Democrats told her to forget about running for president in 2008. So
we're taking up a collection for her."
The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies, "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of the folks are
still siphoning,"
Houston
Rules of H-town
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Huestun," not
"Ewe-stun". Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not "San
Phil-eep"(San Felipe).
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its
own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing
as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is
from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line,
count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting
into any cross-traffic's way.
7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.
8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life
and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be
in Pasadena!!!."
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect.
11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less
is considered downright sissy.
13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph
zone, people are not waving when they go by.
16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.
19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just
follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.This is how
Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where
exits should have been built
if you dont live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to
all of us who call this home..nothing but the truth. and you know it.
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Huestun," not
"Ewe-stun". Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not "San
Phil-eep"(San Felipe).
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its
own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing
as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is
from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line,
count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting
into any cross-traffic's way.
7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.
8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life
and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be
in Pasadena!!!."
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect.
11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less
is considered downright sissy.
13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph
zone, people are not waving when they go by.
16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.
19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just
follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.This is how
Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where
exits should have been built
if you dont live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to
all of us who call this home..nothing but the truth. and you know it.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Houston 1836
Ok so the MLS (major league soccer team) changed it's name from Houston 1836 to Houston Dynamo. Tonight I went out and bought several shirts for HOUSTON 1836. I don't know if I can support the team now by going to any games because I am totally disgusted with this flippin issue. However, if I do I will wear my Houston 1836 shirt proudly. If any of you have lived or visited Houston you know that the people here are very proud of our city and our state. Especially the native Texans and 4th generation Houstonians like me. This was a name I could be proud of and get behind. Now I don't know that I can so much. Here are my issues with this.
1. We are in America not Mexico
2. How in the FLIPPIN HELL is a soccer team name offensive to Mexican Americans? Seriously? Really I am very interested in how this is hurting you? Do you still cry yourself to sleep at night because Texas won it's independence. I am Serious!!!!! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? I could understand if it was the Houston Illegals or some other derogatory name. Hell even the Houton Crackers or Rednecks might piss people off. I would personally care if they did call them the Crakcers or Rednecks. It's just a flippin name you sissy.
3. This is the year Houston was established. It also happens to be the year that Texas won it's independence and the battle of the Alamo. And your point that this is being offensive is how?
4. We defeated Santa Anna....get over it. It was a long time ago. You don't hear me bitching about the Vietnamese street signs that are posted in a certain part of Houston even though we got smoked in that conflict.
5. You don't hear British Americans bitching and crying about the name Philadelphia 76'ers.
6. You say Mexican Americans need to be heared and need to have a voice? Then stop bitching about ridiculous crap like this. There are moe inportant issues to discuss than the name of a FLIPPIN soccer team that is named after the year the CITY was established. Not the year we kicked Mexico's ass. If you don't like it then move back to Mexico and let me know how you like living there.
Anyway this post was suppose to just state that I bought some 1836 stuff. It's just the fact that this whole thing is FLIPPIN RIDICULOUS.
1. We are in America not Mexico
2. How in the FLIPPIN HELL is a soccer team name offensive to Mexican Americans? Seriously? Really I am very interested in how this is hurting you? Do you still cry yourself to sleep at night because Texas won it's independence. I am Serious!!!!! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? I could understand if it was the Houston Illegals or some other derogatory name. Hell even the Houton Crackers or Rednecks might piss people off. I would personally care if they did call them the Crakcers or Rednecks. It's just a flippin name you sissy.
3. This is the year Houston was established. It also happens to be the year that Texas won it's independence and the battle of the Alamo. And your point that this is being offensive is how?
4. We defeated Santa Anna....get over it. It was a long time ago. You don't hear me bitching about the Vietnamese street signs that are posted in a certain part of Houston even though we got smoked in that conflict.
5. You don't hear British Americans bitching and crying about the name Philadelphia 76'ers.
6. You say Mexican Americans need to be heared and need to have a voice? Then stop bitching about ridiculous crap like this. There are moe inportant issues to discuss than the name of a FLIPPIN soccer team that is named after the year the CITY was established. Not the year we kicked Mexico's ass. If you don't like it then move back to Mexico and let me know how you like living there.
Anyway this post was suppose to just state that I bought some 1836 stuff. It's just the fact that this whole thing is FLIPPIN RIDICULOUS.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Good Question
TEACHER INTERVIEW
After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager
prospective teacher said, "Let me see if I've got this right. You
want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every
waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a
sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe
them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress
habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted
diseases,check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise
their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good
citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a
checkbook, and how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students
pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school
regularly or complete any of their assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get
an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or
physical handicap.
And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter,
telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with just a
piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND
on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
You want me to do ALL of this and yet you expect me... NOT TO
PRAY?
After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager
prospective teacher said, "Let me see if I've got this right. You
want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every
waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a
sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe
them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress
habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted
diseases,check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise
their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good
citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a
checkbook, and how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students
pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school
regularly or complete any of their assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get
an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or
physical handicap.
And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter,
telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with just a
piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND
on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
You want me to do ALL of this and yet you expect me... NOT TO
PRAY?
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