Houston

Rules of H-town

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Huestun," not
"Ewe-stun". Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not "San
Phil-eep"(San Felipe).

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its
own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing
as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.


3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.


4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."


5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is
from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.


6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line,
count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting
into any cross-traffic's way.


7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.


8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life
and a permanent form of entertainment.


9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be
in Pasadena!!!."


10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect.


11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.


12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less
is considered downright sissy.


13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.


15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph
zone, people are not waving when they go by.


16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.


17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.


18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.


19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just
follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.This is how
Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where
exits should have been built

if you dont live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to
all of us who call this home..nothing but the truth. and you know it.