Police Humor

These 16 Police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: Police giving citations.

#16 "You know,  stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?  Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going?  I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning!  You want a warning?  O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair?  You want me to be fair?  Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours.   So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?  You're right, we don't.  Sign here."