Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Things I have known
In the military we learned the following.
When you are in a position of authority...
If you don't take care of your troops, your troops won't take care of you.
If you treat them right then they will do anything for you above and beyond what they have to. Your troops are what make you look good or bad to your superiors.
This concept can be applied in the business world today but I don't see it happening very much. I am not saying that you let your troops walk all over you or anything but you should treat them with dignity and respect. The same dignity and respect that you expect to be given.
When you are in a position of authority...
If you don't take care of your troops, your troops won't take care of you.
If you treat them right then they will do anything for you above and beyond what they have to. Your troops are what make you look good or bad to your superiors.
This concept can be applied in the business world today but I don't see it happening very much. I am not saying that you let your troops walk all over you or anything but you should treat them with dignity and respect. The same dignity and respect that you expect to be given.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Agenda for the Democratic National Convention for 2008:
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. and opening song by the Dixie Chicks
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:35 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging and Cat show
8:15 P.M. Gay Wedding - Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender - French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military - a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers - Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. and opening song by the Dixie Chicks
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:35 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging and Cat show
8:15 P.M. Gay Wedding - Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender - French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military - a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers - Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Back posting again
Ok so I haven't updated this in a while. I've been busy and just tired of posting but my email was filling up with things I wanted to post. So read the below and comment if you will.
Everything else is going great. My little one is due in just a few short months and my wife is doing great.
Hunting season is coming up soon. YEAAAAAHHHHH. I can't wait to get out in nature on the first week on December. It is always relaxing even if I don't even shoot anything. There is nothing like sitting in the woods far away from the hussle and bussle of the city and work to clear your mind. Anyway I am looking forward to that hunt and our traditional goose hunt over thanksgiving.
Anyway just a few short comments.
John Kerry - you are a complete idiot. You just called everyone in the military stupid. You are a flippin moron. You owe all of us an apology and stop trying to turn it around on Bush. I don't care how much you hate him or don't agree with the situation in Iraq, you still don't tell a bunch of students that if you don't do well in school you could always wide up in Iraq. Meaning you could always join the military. Meaning you think everyone in the military is ignorant. Like I said you are a moron. I hope that no one who has every served, had a family member serve or known someone who is/did serve in the military votes for you or anyone you support ever again.
Also check this out click here
see ya
Everything else is going great. My little one is due in just a few short months and my wife is doing great.
Hunting season is coming up soon. YEAAAAAHHHHH. I can't wait to get out in nature on the first week on December. It is always relaxing even if I don't even shoot anything. There is nothing like sitting in the woods far away from the hussle and bussle of the city and work to clear your mind. Anyway I am looking forward to that hunt and our traditional goose hunt over thanksgiving.
Anyway just a few short comments.
John Kerry - you are a complete idiot. You just called everyone in the military stupid. You are a flippin moron. You owe all of us an apology and stop trying to turn it around on Bush. I don't care how much you hate him or don't agree with the situation in Iraq, you still don't tell a bunch of students that if you don't do well in school you could always wide up in Iraq. Meaning you could always join the military. Meaning you think everyone in the military is ignorant. Like I said you are a moron. I hope that no one who has every served, had a family member serve or known someone who is/did serve in the military votes for you or anyone you support ever again.
Also check this out click here
see ya
Another about immigration
The best way to stop using so much gas is to
deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 11 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Editor:
So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.
Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States , people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture.
Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France and Japan .. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here.. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.
And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
(signed) Rosemary LaBonte
deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 11 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Editor:
So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.
Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States , people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture.
Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France and Japan .. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here.. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.
And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
(signed) Rosemary LaBonte
email I got that has some very good points
Im sorry, but after hearing they want
to sing OUR National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough!
Nowhere did they sing it in Italian,
Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, French, or any other language because of immigration.
It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it
was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation - not even close.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is MY COUNTRY
IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY, SPEAK UP!
I am not against immigration - just come through like everyone else.
Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes;
live by the rules; and LEARN THE LANGUAGE
as all other immigrants have in the past and
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
PART OF THE PROBLEM
Think about this:
If you don't want to forward this
for fear of offending someone,
YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
Will we still be the Country of choice
and still be America if we continue
to make the changes forced on us by
people from other countries who came
to live in America because it is the
Country of Choice?
Think about it!
All we have to say is, when will
Someone do something about
MY RIGHTS?
We've gone so far the other way,
bent over backwards to not
offend anyone, that I am now
being offended.
But it seems no one has a problem with that.
It is Time for America to Speak up
If you agree - pass this along;
if you don't agree - Pass it on anyway!
to sing OUR National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough!
Nowhere did they sing it in Italian,
Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, French, or any other language because of immigration.
It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it
was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation - not even close.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is MY COUNTRY
IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY, SPEAK UP!
I am not against immigration - just come through like everyone else.
Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes;
live by the rules; and LEARN THE LANGUAGE
as all other immigrants have in the past and
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
PART OF THE PROBLEM
Think about this:
If you don't want to forward this
for fear of offending someone,
YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
Will we still be the Country of choice
and still be America if we continue
to make the changes forced on us by
people from other countries who came
to live in America because it is the
Country of Choice?
Think about it!
All we have to say is, when will
Someone do something about
MY RIGHTS?
We've gone so far the other way,
bent over backwards to not
offend anyone, that I am now
being offended.
But it seems no one has a problem with that.
It is Time for America to Speak up
If you agree - pass this along;
if you don't agree - Pass it on anyway!
Hit the nail right on the head
Love him or loathe him, he nailed this one right on the head..........
By Rush Limbaugh:
I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the
entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.
If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.
Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.
Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers.
We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.
You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?
However, our own U.S. Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.
If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm's way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.
I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting .
" When do we finally do something about this?"
By Rush Limbaugh:
I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the
entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.
If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.
Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.
Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers.
We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.
You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?
However, our own U.S. Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.
If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm's way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.
I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting .
" When do we finally do something about this?"
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Comment if you wish on any of the below
All of the below were posted on www.defenddemocracy.org
METRICS: More than 4,000 al Qaeda terrorists have been killed in Iraq, according to the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq who gave the figure in an audiotape posted on the Internet last week.
"The blood has been spilled in Iraq of more than 4,000 foreigners who came to fight," said Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, who succeeded Abu Musab al-Zarqawi as commander of the al-Qaeda franchise in Iraq.
Whatever you may think of the wisdom of having invaded Iraq in 2003, whatever you may think of the current strategy in Iraq (I believe it requires serious revision), consider this: If these al-Qaeda terrorists had not been killed in Iraq, where would they be today and what would they be doing?
CAIR-LESS: The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) is attacking Rep. Thaddeus McCotter because he has called those slaughtering innocent Iraqi Muslims "jihadist-fascists."
"Representative McCotter should use his time on the House floor to foster dialogue and mutual understanding, not to introduce hot-button terms that will further damage our nation's image in the Islamic world," said Dawud Walid, the Michigan Executive Director of CAIR (the Council on American Islamic Relations).
Walid said President George W. Bush had stopped using the term "Islamic fascist" after Muslims in America and around the world had protested that it was ill-defined and counterproductive in persuading people in the global conflict against terror.
What would CAIR have us call blood-thirsty supremacists who claim to derive legitimacy from their religion? Perhaps: "Men of peace with IEDs and butcher knives"?
LEAVING LEBANON: While the media gave huge play to a recent pro-Hezbollah demonstration in Beirut, there was virtually no coverage of the tens of thousands of Lebanese Christians who rallied two days later.
At that event, anti-Syrian Christian leader Samir Geagea said that most Lebanese "feel that a major catastrophe [has] befallen them and made their present and future uncertain."
Indeed, thousands of Lebanese Christians are said to be packing up and leaving Lebanon because of their fear of Hezbollah.
Not that many years ago, Lebanon was a majority Christian country. Call it slow-motion ethnic cleaning.
METRICS: More than 4,000 al Qaeda terrorists have been killed in Iraq, according to the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq who gave the figure in an audiotape posted on the Internet last week.
"The blood has been spilled in Iraq of more than 4,000 foreigners who came to fight," said Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, who succeeded Abu Musab al-Zarqawi as commander of the al-Qaeda franchise in Iraq.
Whatever you may think of the wisdom of having invaded Iraq in 2003, whatever you may think of the current strategy in Iraq (I believe it requires serious revision), consider this: If these al-Qaeda terrorists had not been killed in Iraq, where would they be today and what would they be doing?
CAIR-LESS: The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) is attacking Rep. Thaddeus McCotter because he has called those slaughtering innocent Iraqi Muslims "jihadist-fascists."
"Representative McCotter should use his time on the House floor to foster dialogue and mutual understanding, not to introduce hot-button terms that will further damage our nation's image in the Islamic world," said Dawud Walid, the Michigan Executive Director of CAIR (the Council on American Islamic Relations).
Walid said President George W. Bush had stopped using the term "Islamic fascist" after Muslims in America and around the world had protested that it was ill-defined and counterproductive in persuading people in the global conflict against terror.
What would CAIR have us call blood-thirsty supremacists who claim to derive legitimacy from their religion? Perhaps: "Men of peace with IEDs and butcher knives"?
LEAVING LEBANON: While the media gave huge play to a recent pro-Hezbollah demonstration in Beirut, there was virtually no coverage of the tens of thousands of Lebanese Christians who rallied two days later.
At that event, anti-Syrian Christian leader Samir Geagea said that most Lebanese "feel that a major catastrophe [has] befallen them and made their present and future uncertain."
Indeed, thousands of Lebanese Christians are said to be packing up and leaving Lebanon because of their fear of Hezbollah.
Not that many years ago, Lebanon was a majority Christian country. Call it slow-motion ethnic cleaning.
LARK Program
THE LARK PROGRAM
A liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about
the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
Guantanamo Bay . She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of
the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
Bay , Cuba .
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington . You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed
guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure
that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so
strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you
may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this
might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This
is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka
over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and
his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
GEORGE W. BUSH
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus
Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.
A liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about
the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
Guantanamo Bay . She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of
the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
Bay , Cuba .
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington . You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed
guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure
that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so
strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you
may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this
might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This
is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka
over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and
his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
GEORGE W. BUSH
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus
Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.
Interesting
Texas history.....
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas ..
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883 .
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach for Rice University in Houston .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900 caused by a hurricane in which over 8000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969 , was " Houston ."
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US . rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as Constitution of 1845 by Republic of Texas to enter the union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas flag to fly at the same height as the US flag, and may divide into 4 States.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885.
There is no period after Dr in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
18.1 Washington-on-the-Brazos
18.2 Harrisburg
18.3 Galveston
18.4 Velasco
18.5 West Columbia
18.6 Austin
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S which is taller than the CapitolBuilding in Washington D.C. (by 7 feet).
20. The name Texas comes from the Hasini Indian word "tejas" meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .
21. The State animal is the Armadillo. (An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies! They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females. Well, I thought it was interesting anyway!)
22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .
23. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS - TEXAS STYLE People here in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the ten Commandments. Folks here just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:
Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas .
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple don't ya think?
Y'all have a good Day.
Ye hear now ?
"THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU"
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas ..
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883 .
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach for Rice University in Houston .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900 caused by a hurricane in which over 8000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969 , was " Houston ."
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US . rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as Constitution of 1845 by Republic of Texas to enter the union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas flag to fly at the same height as the US flag, and may divide into 4 States.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885.
There is no period after Dr in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
18.1 Washington-on-the-Brazos
18.2 Harrisburg
18.3 Galveston
18.4 Velasco
18.5 West Columbia
18.6 Austin
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S which is taller than the CapitolBuilding in Washington D.C. (by 7 feet).
20. The name Texas comes from the Hasini Indian word "tejas" meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .
21. The State animal is the Armadillo. (An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies! They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females. Well, I thought it was interesting anyway!)
22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .
23. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS - TEXAS STYLE People here in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the ten Commandments. Folks here just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:
Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas .
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple don't ya think?
Y'all have a good Day.
Ye hear now ?
"THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU"
Monday, September 18, 2006
Pissing me off
Ok so for a while I have tried to keep out of the political issues because I was tired of all the crap. But the Muslims are pissing me off.
First of all it is not a religion of peace. If they were a religious group of peace then when someone says something bad about them they would not riot, or throw fire bombs at churches on the West Bank, or shoot to death a nun in Somalia, or burn images in the streets of the pope.
You are a bunch of FLIPPIN Morons. All you want is an excuse to go on a rampage and blame it on someone hurting your feelings. Some of us here in America learn something when we are little kids...Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. (However the tree hugging hippie libs in this country are like you idiots and start crying and crap when people hurt their feelings.)
You don't see me getting all upset and calling for protest and riots because you are burning figures of the pope in streets. I not throwing fire bombs at mosques here in the US. You are doing exactly what the pope said, spreading violence and evil. You can call me whatever you want but I am still not going to strap 20 pounds of explosives to my chest and run into a school because you mad me "upset" !!!! Your religion and its leaders are full of evil and violence. Mohammed is a jackass and you can wage your little jihad all you want. But please stop crying you bunch of babies and stop blaming your need to blow shit up on how your feelings got hurt because someone told the truth about your crappy religion.
You want apologies...Well so do I for the following from the Muslim leaders.
1. The 3000+ dead on 9/11
2. The bombing of the USS Cole
3. The bombing of the US Embassies
4. The 168 dead in Madrid
5. The 54 dead in London
6. The Taliban destruction of centuries old Buddhist statues
7. The millions dead in Darfur
8. The declaration of war on Christianity
9. For making Jews wear stars of David on their sleeves in Tehran
10. For making Hindus wear symbols on their clothes in Iran
11. For threatening to behead a Christian in Afghanistan for converting to Christianity
12. For banning bibles in Saudi Arabia
13. For burning the American flag in your streets
14. For beheading US citizens in Iraq
15. For burning images of the pope in your streets
16. For threatening to wipe Israel off the map
17. For continuing to push your followers to protest this stupid situation
AND
18. For the 1.5 billion F'IN idiotic followers that are threatening world civilization !!!!!!!!
The list can still go on but I am tired of this crap. Maybe if your leaders come out with apologies for the above I might start to give a rat's ass about you, your religion, or your opinions. Until then go back to the shithole you call a home and stop trying to ruin the world. On second thought, not even an apology for the above would make think you are more than just a pack of crazy f'in idiots.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
First of all it is not a religion of peace. If they were a religious group of peace then when someone says something bad about them they would not riot, or throw fire bombs at churches on the West Bank, or shoot to death a nun in Somalia, or burn images in the streets of the pope.
You are a bunch of FLIPPIN Morons. All you want is an excuse to go on a rampage and blame it on someone hurting your feelings. Some of us here in America learn something when we are little kids...Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. (However the tree hugging hippie libs in this country are like you idiots and start crying and crap when people hurt their feelings.)
You don't see me getting all upset and calling for protest and riots because you are burning figures of the pope in streets. I not throwing fire bombs at mosques here in the US. You are doing exactly what the pope said, spreading violence and evil. You can call me whatever you want but I am still not going to strap 20 pounds of explosives to my chest and run into a school because you mad me "upset" !!!! Your religion and its leaders are full of evil and violence. Mohammed is a jackass and you can wage your little jihad all you want. But please stop crying you bunch of babies and stop blaming your need to blow shit up on how your feelings got hurt because someone told the truth about your crappy religion.
You want apologies...Well so do I for the following from the Muslim leaders.
1. The 3000+ dead on 9/11
2. The bombing of the USS Cole
3. The bombing of the US Embassies
4. The 168 dead in Madrid
5. The 54 dead in London
6. The Taliban destruction of centuries old Buddhist statues
7. The millions dead in Darfur
8. The declaration of war on Christianity
9. For making Jews wear stars of David on their sleeves in Tehran
10. For making Hindus wear symbols on their clothes in Iran
11. For threatening to behead a Christian in Afghanistan for converting to Christianity
12. For banning bibles in Saudi Arabia
13. For burning the American flag in your streets
14. For beheading US citizens in Iraq
15. For burning images of the pope in your streets
16. For threatening to wipe Israel off the map
17. For continuing to push your followers to protest this stupid situation
AND
18. For the 1.5 billion F'IN idiotic followers that are threatening world civilization !!!!!!!!
The list can still go on but I am tired of this crap. Maybe if your leaders come out with apologies for the above I might start to give a rat's ass about you, your religion, or your opinions. Until then go back to the shithole you call a home and stop trying to ruin the world. On second thought, not even an apology for the above would make think you are more than just a pack of crazy f'in idiots.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
So much to talk about
So I am still raising funds for my Lance Armstrong race. I have been training. This past Saturday I did almost 20 miles. The route in Austin will be much harder due to the hills compared with the flat roads I have been riding on. But I am determined to make it. See my other post for donation links or I will post it again in a day or so.
My wifey's doctors appointment went well. All is good and the baby is growing. I haven't felt it kick or anything yet. My wife has. Due date still January 15th.
I will update more as it comes
My wifey's doctors appointment went well. All is good and the baby is growing. I haven't felt it kick or anything yet. My wife has. Due date still January 15th.
I will update more as it comes
Thursday, September 07, 2006
About my Grandmother
Well, where do I begin. My brothers and I have had a tuff summer. My other grandmother passed away this past weekend. We have laid to rest all of the grandparents we knew. My grandfather on my Mom's side passed away before any of his grandchildren were born. Man I wish I would have met him. I wish I could sit down and listen to stories about my mom, aunts and uncle. But my grandmother is with him and my two aunts now. One day I will see them all again and get that chance to speak with my grandfather.
We called this grandmother Memaw as well (thanks to my older brother). Memaw was a wonderful grandmother. I remember always spending the night at her house when we were kids. Always great food and plenty of ice cream for desert. Memaw always loved having her grandchildren around. Many times it wouldn't just be me and my brothers but our cousins too. We all grew up like brothers. She had a great climbing tree in her back yard. When she would drive us to places she was always playing classical music in her car. She would wave her hand back and forth like she was conducting the orchestra. Back then we always use to make fun of how she did it. She never cared she just loved the music. Now remembering how she use to do it, it brings a smile to my face. Memaw use to come to soccer games, choir concerts or anything else we had going on. She would always be there in the seats support us. Holidays and get togethers were always a blast at her house. First there was always enough food to serve a small army and she always reminded us of that. Heck there were always so many people there that we probably could have invaded a small country. At Christmas she always had a cool tree. She had some very old ornaments and from what I have been told some of them from WWII era. I always thought those were the coolest. There was always a stocking for everyone there. And with the size of our family just imagine about 100 stockings by the fireplace. She always gave each of us a mushy birthday card about how we were the best grandchild in the world. I can tell my brothers and cousins now that she liked me the most but I swore never to tell anyone. Just kidding. She loved all of her grandchildren dearly. The first thing anyone had to do no matter how old you were was when you walked through the door you had to go give Memaw a kiss hello. And when you left you better give her a kiss good-bye. You don't want to mess with an Irish hex.
She always talked about Ireland and talked about going back to Oregon. But I think her most favorite place was Galveston, TX. Every year my family would rent a beach house in Galveston for a week. She loved to sit on the front porch facing the water and read and relax in the breeze. She would watch us play in the sand, go swimming and fishing in the surf. She would come down and swim with us and she would float on her back in the water while singing some of the most funny songs any young kid could imagine. And of course my mom, aunts, and uncle taught us a few gross ones of course. You all know what I am talking about....Great Green Globs.....Worms crawl in... you know the ones and are probably singing them to yourself now.....and now are laughing at yourself because you know I caught you doing it. Anyway we (brothers, cousins, uncle) would get up bright and early to go fishing out in the surf. We knew that once the sun came up we could always look back at the house and there Memaw would be on the porch reading her book and enjoying her morning coffee. She would always ask as we walked back under the house if we caught anything and was so excited when we did. That meant she got some fresh trout for lunch or dinner. When we would be arriving at Galveston and we would get the first sight of the Gulf she would always say "There's the Big Water!!!" Good times.
When I was able to drive and as she got older she use to ask me to come over and do some things around the house. Mostly gardening work. At her old house on Hazen she had a few rose bushes. I soon learned when the proper time to cut them back and feed them (Valentines day) and how to cut the flowers so that the plant would put out more. I always would like to think of myself as her "Rose Man". This is where I gained my love for roses. Memaw had some beautiful roses and loved to cut them and put them in the house. Every time I saw one in the house I knew I had a hand in it and knew that it made her happy.
My grandmother always talked highly about my parents. Even as a teenager when I thought they were totally unfair/not cool she would always remind me of how great my parents were. She would always say that my dad was a very good husband, my mom was a very good wife, and how they were excellent parents to me and my brothers. She was 100% right. She raised my mom, aunts and uncle to be great people and my other grandparents raised my dad, aunts, and uncle to be great too.
I would have to say that on both sides of my family I have had the greatest mom, dad, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins any child could ever wish for.
I know that if I can be just half as good as my parents and grandparents are/were then my kids and grandchildren are going to be just fine.
I could go on and on about my grandparents but will save that for another time and place.
Memaw, we love and miss you. Say hi to Grandpa Flanagan, Memaw and Bepaw Morgan, Geeg, and Nanie for us.
Love
Tom and all of your grandchildren
We called this grandmother Memaw as well (thanks to my older brother). Memaw was a wonderful grandmother. I remember always spending the night at her house when we were kids. Always great food and plenty of ice cream for desert. Memaw always loved having her grandchildren around. Many times it wouldn't just be me and my brothers but our cousins too. We all grew up like brothers. She had a great climbing tree in her back yard. When she would drive us to places she was always playing classical music in her car. She would wave her hand back and forth like she was conducting the orchestra. Back then we always use to make fun of how she did it. She never cared she just loved the music. Now remembering how she use to do it, it brings a smile to my face. Memaw use to come to soccer games, choir concerts or anything else we had going on. She would always be there in the seats support us. Holidays and get togethers were always a blast at her house. First there was always enough food to serve a small army and she always reminded us of that. Heck there were always so many people there that we probably could have invaded a small country. At Christmas she always had a cool tree. She had some very old ornaments and from what I have been told some of them from WWII era. I always thought those were the coolest. There was always a stocking for everyone there. And with the size of our family just imagine about 100 stockings by the fireplace. She always gave each of us a mushy birthday card about how we were the best grandchild in the world. I can tell my brothers and cousins now that she liked me the most but I swore never to tell anyone. Just kidding. She loved all of her grandchildren dearly. The first thing anyone had to do no matter how old you were was when you walked through the door you had to go give Memaw a kiss hello. And when you left you better give her a kiss good-bye. You don't want to mess with an Irish hex.
She always talked about Ireland and talked about going back to Oregon. But I think her most favorite place was Galveston, TX. Every year my family would rent a beach house in Galveston for a week. She loved to sit on the front porch facing the water and read and relax in the breeze. She would watch us play in the sand, go swimming and fishing in the surf. She would come down and swim with us and she would float on her back in the water while singing some of the most funny songs any young kid could imagine. And of course my mom, aunts, and uncle taught us a few gross ones of course. You all know what I am talking about....Great Green Globs.....Worms crawl in... you know the ones and are probably singing them to yourself now.....and now are laughing at yourself because you know I caught you doing it. Anyway we (brothers, cousins, uncle) would get up bright and early to go fishing out in the surf. We knew that once the sun came up we could always look back at the house and there Memaw would be on the porch reading her book and enjoying her morning coffee. She would always ask as we walked back under the house if we caught anything and was so excited when we did. That meant she got some fresh trout for lunch or dinner. When we would be arriving at Galveston and we would get the first sight of the Gulf she would always say "There's the Big Water!!!" Good times.
When I was able to drive and as she got older she use to ask me to come over and do some things around the house. Mostly gardening work. At her old house on Hazen she had a few rose bushes. I soon learned when the proper time to cut them back and feed them (Valentines day) and how to cut the flowers so that the plant would put out more. I always would like to think of myself as her "Rose Man". This is where I gained my love for roses. Memaw had some beautiful roses and loved to cut them and put them in the house. Every time I saw one in the house I knew I had a hand in it and knew that it made her happy.
My grandmother always talked highly about my parents. Even as a teenager when I thought they were totally unfair/not cool she would always remind me of how great my parents were. She would always say that my dad was a very good husband, my mom was a very good wife, and how they were excellent parents to me and my brothers. She was 100% right. She raised my mom, aunts and uncle to be great people and my other grandparents raised my dad, aunts, and uncle to be great too.
I would have to say that on both sides of my family I have had the greatest mom, dad, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins any child could ever wish for.
I know that if I can be just half as good as my parents and grandparents are/were then my kids and grandchildren are going to be just fine.
I could go on and on about my grandparents but will save that for another time and place.
Memaw, we love and miss you. Say hi to Grandpa Flanagan, Memaw and Bepaw Morgan, Geeg, and Nanie for us.
Love
Tom and all of your grandchildren
My Grandmother
STELLA "Catherine" WEISS FLANAGAN, 82, of Houston, died Friday, September 1, 2006, surrounded by her family. Catherine was born August 20, 1924, in Houston, Texas, the youngest child of L. A. "Buster" and Anna Mae Weiss. Catherine attended Holy Rosary and St. Agnes schools prior to attending the University of Houston where she studied music. Shortly thereafter her adventures took her to Portland, Oregon, where she met her husband, James Flanagan. Jim and Catherine were married and had their first child in Portland before returning to Texas to settle in Houston. Everyone who knew Catherine knew she was a spirited person whose love of music, cooking, entertaining and being surrounded by those she loved could only be matched by her love of Galveston and the annual trips there with her family and friends. Her love of life and sense of adventure will be missed by all. Catherine is preceded in death by her parents, her brother Gorman Weiss, husband Jim, daughters Mary Ann Flanagan and Gerry Kopecky. She is survived by her children and their spouses, Margaret and Scott Morgan, Cathy and Matt Flannery, Elizabeth and Doug Brown, all of Houston, Patricia Flanagan of Austin and James and Tina Flanagan of Nichols, South Carolina; and grandchildren and great grandchildren: Daniel, Thomas and Kari, Nicholas and Kristin Morgan; Anthony, Frank, Tara and Leah, and Michael Flannery; Trey, Kevin, Colleen and Ja'Vien Kopecky; Benjamin Brown; Nicole and Cody Flanagan. Pallbearers will be her grandsons and honorary pallbearers will be Dr. Stuart Boren, Mr. F. R. McCauley, Mr. Lloyd Waguespack, Mr. Finis Lewellin and the Honorable Frank Rynd. The family wishes to express its gratitude to Vitas Hospice for the loving care they provided in Catherine's final hours and for the caregivers at Park Manor during her stay there. Visitation will be from 7 to 9 p.m. on Monday, September 4, 2006, with a Rosary at 8:00 p.m. at Klein Funeral Home at 16131 Champion Forest Drive, Spring. Funeral Mass will be held at Prince of Peace Catholic Community, 19222 Tomball Parkway (FM249), Houston on Tuesday, September 5, at 2pm. Interment will take place at Resthaven Cemetery, 13102 North Freeway (I-45N). Donations may be made to the charity of your choice.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Been Busy
Hello everyone out there in never never land (if anyone actually reads this). I have been busy and lots of stuff going on in my life. The most important being in these pictures.
Yes, that's right, pretty soon there will be a little one running around the house. This is our first one. These pictures are at 18 weeks. Pretty amazing. Just watching the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat is unbelievable. Due date is January 15. Almost halfway there. I will post more pictures as we go along.
We are not going to find out what it is. But we have picked out the names. For a boy Taylor Patrick and for a girl Madison Avery.
Now my master plan is to have 10 in order to field a baseball team and have a closing pitcher....However my wifey seems to think that is a little much. But how cool would that be !!!!!
Anyway I hope to post more soon. And to everyone that has donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation for me THANKS !!!!!
Yes, that's right, pretty soon there will be a little one running around the house. This is our first one. These pictures are at 18 weeks. Pretty amazing. Just watching the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat is unbelievable. Due date is January 15. Almost halfway there. I will post more pictures as we go along.
We are not going to find out what it is. But we have picked out the names. For a boy Taylor Patrick and for a girl Madison Avery.
Now my master plan is to have 10 in order to field a baseball team and have a closing pitcher....However my wifey seems to think that is a little much. But how cool would that be !!!!!
Anyway I hope to post more soon. And to everyone that has donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation for me THANKS !!!!!
Good Point
The man is Rick Mathes a prison minister. I thought it was good
reading.
The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita in the
United States, especially in the minority races!!!
"Allah or Jesus?" by Rick Mathes (A well known leader in prison
ministry)
Last month, I attended my annual training session that's required for
maintaining my state prison security clearance. During the training
session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the
Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of
their beliefs.
I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say.
The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete
with
a video.
After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers.
When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked:
"Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams and
clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the
infidels of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a
command to all Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If
that's
the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?"
There was no disagreement with my statements and, without hesitation,
he
replied, "Non-believers!"
I responded, "So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers
of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith
so they can have a place in Heaven. Is that correct?"
The _expression on his face changed from one of authority and command
to
that of "a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the
cookie jar." He sheepishly replied, "Yes"
I then stated, "Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope
John Paul commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr.
Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee
them a place in Heaven!"
The Imam was speechless.
I continued, "I also have a problem with being your 'friend' , when you
and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me
ask you a question. Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to
kill me in order for you to go to Heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to
love you because I am going to Heaven and He wants you to be there with
me?"
You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in shame. Needless to say, the organizers and/or promoters of the
'Diversification' training seminar were not happy with Rick's way of
dealing with the Islamic Imam and exposing the truth about the Muslims'
beliefs. In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the
U.S.to elect the President! I think everyone in the US should be
required to read this but with the liberal justice system, liberal
media,and the ACLU, there is no way this will be widely publicized.
Please pass this on to all your e-mail contacts.
This is a true story and the author, Rick Mathes, is a well known
leader
in prison ministry
A man only accepts the hand of his rescuer, once he realizes he is
drowning, and cannot save himself
reading.
The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita in the
United States, especially in the minority races!!!
"Allah or Jesus?" by Rick Mathes (A well known leader in prison
ministry)
Last month, I attended my annual training session that's required for
maintaining my state prison security clearance. During the training
session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the
Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of
their beliefs.
I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say.
The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete
with
a video.
After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers.
When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked:
"Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams and
clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the
infidels of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a
command to all Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If
that's
the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?"
There was no disagreement with my statements and, without hesitation,
he
replied, "Non-believers!"
I responded, "So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers
of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith
so they can have a place in Heaven. Is that correct?"
The _expression on his face changed from one of authority and command
to
that of "a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the
cookie jar." He sheepishly replied, "Yes"
I then stated, "Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope
John Paul commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr.
Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee
them a place in Heaven!"
The Imam was speechless.
I continued, "I also have a problem with being your 'friend' , when you
and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me
ask you a question. Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to
kill me in order for you to go to Heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to
love you because I am going to Heaven and He wants you to be there with
me?"
You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in shame. Needless to say, the organizers and/or promoters of the
'Diversification' training seminar were not happy with Rick's way of
dealing with the Islamic Imam and exposing the truth about the Muslims'
beliefs. In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the
U.S.to elect the President! I think everyone in the US should be
required to read this but with the liberal justice system, liberal
media,and the ACLU, there is no way this will be widely publicized.
Please pass this on to all your e-mail contacts.
This is a true story and the author, Rick Mathes, is a well known
leader
in prison ministry
A man only accepts the hand of his rescuer, once he realizes he is
drowning, and cannot save himself
US Marine
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the
courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the
ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock
me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room
fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the
professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the
last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the
professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor
was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The
other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine
and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's
troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an
asshole. ................So, He sent me."
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the
courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the
ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock
me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room
fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the
professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the
last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the
professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor
was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The
other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine
and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's
troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an
asshole. ................So, He sent me."
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
About my Grandmother
She went by Memaw to all of her grandchildren. Most of the time she was quiet and just let my grandfather ramble on about business deals, Alabama football or whatever. I can still hear her say, "Oh Pat..." at things she thought were crazy that my grandfather would say. Her house was always spotless. She always had plenty of toys and books to play with and read. The food she cooked was always great. She had stashes of candy around the house. One of my fondest memories was that as we were leaving each time my parents took my brothers and I to visit we would each ask Memaw if we could have a piece of candy for the ride home. Of course the answer was always yes. We never took more than one nor asked for candy at any other time but when it was time to leave. I guess we always thought that if we took or asked for more then there would not be any next time. Boy did that candy taste good on the ride home. The ride was only 20 or 30 minutes but as a kid that is eternity. The candy just made the ride go by faster. Memaw always had a bird feeder and sometimes complained how the squirrels were taking all the food but she kept refilling it just to see the birds.
Now to my most favorite and most cherished memory. When I was young my mother use to ask me at my birthday what kind of cake I would like. I would always say I wanted Memaw's chocolate cake. Holy crap that was a good cake. I cannot explain in simple words how good it was. I never knew how she did it but that cake tasted better every year. Before we got married my wife had a shower with a kitchen theme. People were asked to give recipes. My grandmother could not make it. However my wife and I received the recipe for the chocolate cake. I think that out of everything we received for the showers and wedding, that recipe is my most favorite gift and I will cherish it forever. I have not tried to make it yet but I don't think I could do it the same anyway. It was just something about Memaw's Chocolate Cake. It must have been all the experience and the great amount of care and love put into it that made it so damn good. Sorry for the strong language but really it was the BEST you just don't even know. Maybe one day I will try to make it and post the recipe on here.
Now Memaw is in a better place. She is with her family and most importantly with my grandfather. Whether my grandfather would admit it or not, he always needed her and she always needed him. Now they are together again.
Memaw, keep Bepaw in line up there and make sure he keeps it down when Alabama is playing football. Also one more favor. Make that chocolate cake for all the children up in heaven, they will love it!!!!!
We love and miss you
Tom and all of your grandchildren
Now to my most favorite and most cherished memory. When I was young my mother use to ask me at my birthday what kind of cake I would like. I would always say I wanted Memaw's chocolate cake. Holy crap that was a good cake. I cannot explain in simple words how good it was. I never knew how she did it but that cake tasted better every year. Before we got married my wife had a shower with a kitchen theme. People were asked to give recipes. My grandmother could not make it. However my wife and I received the recipe for the chocolate cake. I think that out of everything we received for the showers and wedding, that recipe is my most favorite gift and I will cherish it forever. I have not tried to make it yet but I don't think I could do it the same anyway. It was just something about Memaw's Chocolate Cake. It must have been all the experience and the great amount of care and love put into it that made it so damn good. Sorry for the strong language but really it was the BEST you just don't even know. Maybe one day I will try to make it and post the recipe on here.
Now Memaw is in a better place. She is with her family and most importantly with my grandfather. Whether my grandfather would admit it or not, he always needed her and she always needed him. Now they are together again.
Memaw, keep Bepaw in line up there and make sure he keeps it down when Alabama is playing football. Also one more favor. Make that chocolate cake for all the children up in heaven, they will love it!!!!!
We love and miss you
Tom and all of your grandchildren
My Grandmother
Helen Rockwell Morgan, 85, of Houston, died Wednesday, August 9, 2006, at home in the company of her family. Helen was born on July 11, 1921, in Camden, Arkansas, the youngest child of Byrd and Olive Rockwell. She grew up in Sheffield, Alabama, where she lived until accepting a position with the Tennessee Valley Authority in 1940. Helen moved to Knoxville and soon met her future husband, Patrick Morgan, whom she married on June 9, 1942. After several career changes and the birth of four children, Pat and Helen eventually settled in Houston in the early 60's. All who met Helen were touched by her kind manner and sweet nature. Helen is preceded in death by her parents, sisters Peggy and Mary, brothers George and Louis, grandson Seth Morgan and most recently, her husband. She is survived by her children and their spouses Scott and Margaret Morgan of Houston, Beth and Drew Black of Folsom, CA, Jack and Carole Morgan of Houston, Melissa and George Tooley of Katy, as well as ten grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Pallbearers will be grandsons Daniel, Thomas, Nicholas, Andrew and Griffin Morgan, Keegan and Jared Tooley and Morgan Black. Granddaughters Meredith Black and Kaelin Tooley will serve as lectors for her Rite of Christian Burial Mass. The family wishes to thank VistaCare Hospice for their wonderful help and support during Helen's last days and the staff at the Atria Westchase for their devotion to our mother and Memaw. Visitation will be from 7 to 9 p.m. on Friday, August 11, with a Rosary at 8 p.m. at Earthman Hunter's Creek, 8303 Katy Frwy, Houston. Funeral Mass will be held at St. Cyril's of Alexandria, 10503 Westheimer, Houston on Saturday, August 12, at 10:00 a.m. Interment will take place at Memorial Oaks Cemetery. Donations may be made to the Mercy Home for Boys and Girls, 1140 West Jackson Blvd, Chicago, IL, 60607-2980.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Please help
Hello Everyone
A few months ago my cousin, Mike, was diagnosed with cancer. This is the same type of cancer that Lance Armstrong had and beat. My cousin, who I view as a brother, is a tremendous young man. He is 21 years old and attends Texas A&M at Galveston. He went through chemotherapy like a champ. The chemo did not get everything so he had to have surgery.
The Lance Armstrong Foundation raises money to fight this deadly disease. Every year they have a walk, run, and bike ride to raise funds. My family has put together a team in honor of my cousin.
I have signed up for the 40 mile bike ride. This will be a definite challenge for me in a couple of ways. First, I am not in shape at all and secondly I have never ridden a bike this far before. I am starting my training this month. The ride is October 8th in Austin, TX.
I need help from any and all that are reading this. I have to raise $500 to participate in the ride. Any contributions you can give would be greatly appreciated by Mike, my family and especially by me. The link below will take you to my website to donate online. If you would rather send cash or check you can give it to me or email me and I will send you my home address. Thomas_Morgan15@yahoo.com
Click here for online donation
With your help we can beat this thing for Mike and everyone else who suffers from it.
Thank you for your support
Tom Morgan
PS: I will be reposting this every week so that it is at the top of this page.
A few months ago my cousin, Mike, was diagnosed with cancer. This is the same type of cancer that Lance Armstrong had and beat. My cousin, who I view as a brother, is a tremendous young man. He is 21 years old and attends Texas A&M at Galveston. He went through chemotherapy like a champ. The chemo did not get everything so he had to have surgery.
The Lance Armstrong Foundation raises money to fight this deadly disease. Every year they have a walk, run, and bike ride to raise funds. My family has put together a team in honor of my cousin.
I have signed up for the 40 mile bike ride. This will be a definite challenge for me in a couple of ways. First, I am not in shape at all and secondly I have never ridden a bike this far before. I am starting my training this month. The ride is October 8th in Austin, TX.
I need help from any and all that are reading this. I have to raise $500 to participate in the ride. Any contributions you can give would be greatly appreciated by Mike, my family and especially by me. The link below will take you to my website to donate online. If you would rather send cash or check you can give it to me or email me and I will send you my home address. Thomas_Morgan15@yahoo.com
Click here for online donation
With your help we can beat this thing for Mike and everyone else who suffers from it.
Thank you for your support
Tom Morgan
PS: I will be reposting this every week so that it is at the top of this page.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Question
Read the following and figure out an answer......then look in the comments to see if you are right.
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Another "If you are reading this..." (Especially for my cousin)
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
Robot Bartender
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity' 'interstellar space travel' 'the latest medical break through's etc........?
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please'" Again it was suburb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end. The guy had to try it one more time.
So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".. The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked , " A-r-e Y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?"
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity' 'interstellar space travel' 'the latest medical break through's etc........?
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please'" Again it was suburb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end. The guy had to try it one more time.
So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".. The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked , " A-r-e Y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?"
Touching Story
A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, hecame across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thornand the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else butof being trampled.Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with hisson. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creaturesturned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant andstared back in wonder.Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunkaround one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Today's "If you are reading this"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
One more "If you're reading this" for today
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
Speeding in Arkansas
A cowboy from Texas was pulled over by an Akansas DPS Trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies ?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stopped and said, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper said and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies ?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stopped and said, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper said and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Us Senator unhurt in Air Crash
The Associated Press reports that New York Senator Hillary Clinton, narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft that she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern New Jersey because of bad weather. National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination that pilot error contributed to the accident, and that the senator was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR [instrument flight rating] conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating. The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. Photographs taken at the scene show the extent of damage to Senator Clinton's aircraft. She was very lucky.
Does anyone really read this?????
If you do let me know your thoughts on this
How can a fly, flying right side up, land on a ceiling upside down?
If you say it rolls over like a jet doing a barrel roll or something, then ok. Then does it know which way is really up and which way is down. Why doesn't it fly upside down all the time. Or does it usually fly upside down and it's legs are really on it's back?!?!?!?!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
How can a fly, flying right side up, land on a ceiling upside down?
If you say it rolls over like a jet doing a barrel roll or something, then ok. Then does it know which way is really up and which way is down. Why doesn't it fly upside down all the time. Or does it usually fly upside down and it's legs are really on it's back?!?!?!?!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
Crazy Laws of Texas
If you think I am a little off my rocker then you will get a kick out of these laws of Texas
State Laws
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.
Full text of the LawThe Texas ConstitutionArticle 1 - BILL OF RIGHTSSection 4 - RELIGIOUS TESTS
No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.
OK. I will go along with this one.
It is illegal to sell one's eye.
Full text of the Law? 48.02. Prohibition of the Purchase and Sale of Human Organs
(a) "Human organ" means the human kidney, liver, heart, lung, pancreas, eye, bone, skin, fetal tissue, or any other human organ or tissue, but does not include hair or blood, blood components (including plasma), blood derivatives, or blood reagents.
(b) A person commits an offense if he or she knowingly or intentionally offers to buy, offers to sell, acquires, receives, sells, or otherwise transfers any human organ for valuable consideration.
(c) It is an exception to the application of this section that the valuable consideration is: (1) a fee paid to a physician or to other medical personnel for services rendered in the usual course of medical practice or a fee paid for hospital or other clinical services; (2) reimbursement of legal or medical expenses incurred for the benefit of the ultimate receiver of the organ; or (3) reimbursement of expenses of travel, housing, and lost wages incurred by the donor of a human organ in connection with the donation of the organ.
(d) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.
Added by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 40, ? 1, eff. Aug. 26, 1985. Amended by Acts 1993, 73rd Leg., ch. 900, ? 1.01, eff. Sept. 1, 1994.
What????? They actually had to make this a law. How big of a crack head do you have to be to sell your own eye?
A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather.
Full text of the Law? 20.003. Weather Modification and Control Grant Program
The department shall develop and administer a program awarding matching grants to political subdivisions of this state for weather modification and control.
Added by Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 376, ? 2.01, eff. Sept. 1, 2001.
Tax dollars at work?!?!
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
Apparently this was added to another bill by a state senator in order to make the original bill not pass. Well they both passed.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
This law is probably because of something some drunk redneck did.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
A big problem especially in downtown Houston ?!?!?!
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
Apparently we have problems with mysterious milkers
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
What???? Seriously???? Do you really think they care.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Can you say Bible Belt
City Laws in Texas
Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
ExplanationIn the days of the old "wild west", cowboys would cut barbed wire fences of property owners in order to allow their cattle herds to pass through. To prevent such acts, an ordinance was passed. You better check their shoes.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University. Problems at games?
Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. Those trouble making Borgerans !!! Where the hell is Borger anyway???
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
El Paso
Urinating on the streets is illegal. Good to know.
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them. Ok?!?
Galveston
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays. So all the drunks can walk home safely???
"Offensive gestures" will not be tolerated at any special event. But not at a "special event" is ok?
Bicycles must be operated at a "reasonable speed".
Full text of the LawSec. 9-4. Speed.
No person shall operate a bicycle at a speed greater than is reasonable and prudent under the conditions then existing. (Code 1960, Ch. 21 App., ? 68) So can you get a speeding ticket?
One needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
Full text of the LawSec. 26-4. Alcoholic beverages.
It shall be unlawful for any person to consume, carry or bring any alcoholic beverage in or upon any park or playground in the city without a written permit from the director of parks and recreation.(Code 1960, ? 15-8(b)) Can I get the application?
Landing an airplane on the beach is illegal.
Full text of the LawSec. 8-11. Landing aircraft on beaches.
It shall be unlawful for any person to land or take off or operate any aircraft on the beach and what is commonly known as Seawall Boulevard except at heliports designated and approved by the Federal Aviation Administration.(Code 1960, ? 4-30) Houston, we have a problem
Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500.
Full text of the LawSec. 24-17. Impeding sidewalk.
It shall be unlawful for a person to stand or sit on a city sidewalk or city right-of-way so as to impede, physically or by intimidation, free and uninterrupted pedestrian passage. A violation of this section shall be a class C misdemeanor and upon conviction shall be punishable by a fine not to exceed five hundred dollars ($500.00).(Ord. No. 97-104, ? 2, 12-11-97) hmmmm ok
Houston
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. No wonder I can't find any.
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
Is there some kind of secret time that I am missing?
Jasper
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Even in your home?
Lubbock County
It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream. Make sure your drunk friend sits in the bed of the truck
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Who determines "unusual"
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. This law needs to be adopted world wide.
San Antonio
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
ExplanationThe Alamo was the site of a famous battle during the fight for Texas' independence from Mexico. During this battle, the fort was overrun, but not until most men fought until the death to defend it. In a highly publicized incident, Ozzy Osbourne urinated on this famed historical site which infuriated many Texans. He was banned from the site, and a law was passed to prevent such acts from happening again. Good !!!!!!
Temple
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. On the spot punk!!!
You can ride your horse in the saloon. Thank god this one passed. I thought I was going to get into trouble.
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. But you can in a saloon
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. Where do you plug them in??
State Laws
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.
Full text of the LawThe Texas ConstitutionArticle 1 - BILL OF RIGHTSSection 4 - RELIGIOUS TESTS
No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.
OK. I will go along with this one.
It is illegal to sell one's eye.
Full text of the Law? 48.02. Prohibition of the Purchase and Sale of Human Organs
(a) "Human organ" means the human kidney, liver, heart, lung, pancreas, eye, bone, skin, fetal tissue, or any other human organ or tissue, but does not include hair or blood, blood components (including plasma), blood derivatives, or blood reagents.
(b) A person commits an offense if he or she knowingly or intentionally offers to buy, offers to sell, acquires, receives, sells, or otherwise transfers any human organ for valuable consideration.
(c) It is an exception to the application of this section that the valuable consideration is: (1) a fee paid to a physician or to other medical personnel for services rendered in the usual course of medical practice or a fee paid for hospital or other clinical services; (2) reimbursement of legal or medical expenses incurred for the benefit of the ultimate receiver of the organ; or (3) reimbursement of expenses of travel, housing, and lost wages incurred by the donor of a human organ in connection with the donation of the organ.
(d) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.
Added by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 40, ? 1, eff. Aug. 26, 1985. Amended by Acts 1993, 73rd Leg., ch. 900, ? 1.01, eff. Sept. 1, 1994.
What????? They actually had to make this a law. How big of a crack head do you have to be to sell your own eye?
A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather.
Full text of the Law? 20.003. Weather Modification and Control Grant Program
The department shall develop and administer a program awarding matching grants to political subdivisions of this state for weather modification and control.
Added by Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 376, ? 2.01, eff. Sept. 1, 2001.
Tax dollars at work?!?!
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
Apparently this was added to another bill by a state senator in order to make the original bill not pass. Well they both passed.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
This law is probably because of something some drunk redneck did.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
A big problem especially in downtown Houston ?!?!?!
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
Apparently we have problems with mysterious milkers
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
What???? Seriously???? Do you really think they care.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Can you say Bible Belt
City Laws in Texas
Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
ExplanationIn the days of the old "wild west", cowboys would cut barbed wire fences of property owners in order to allow their cattle herds to pass through. To prevent such acts, an ordinance was passed. You better check their shoes.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University. Problems at games?
Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. Those trouble making Borgerans !!! Where the hell is Borger anyway???
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
El Paso
Urinating on the streets is illegal. Good to know.
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them. Ok?!?
Galveston
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays. So all the drunks can walk home safely???
"Offensive gestures" will not be tolerated at any special event. But not at a "special event" is ok?
Bicycles must be operated at a "reasonable speed".
Full text of the LawSec. 9-4. Speed.
No person shall operate a bicycle at a speed greater than is reasonable and prudent under the conditions then existing. (Code 1960, Ch. 21 App., ? 68) So can you get a speeding ticket?
One needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
Full text of the LawSec. 26-4. Alcoholic beverages.
It shall be unlawful for any person to consume, carry or bring any alcoholic beverage in or upon any park or playground in the city without a written permit from the director of parks and recreation.(Code 1960, ? 15-8(b)) Can I get the application?
Landing an airplane on the beach is illegal.
Full text of the LawSec. 8-11. Landing aircraft on beaches.
It shall be unlawful for any person to land or take off or operate any aircraft on the beach and what is commonly known as Seawall Boulevard except at heliports designated and approved by the Federal Aviation Administration.(Code 1960, ? 4-30) Houston, we have a problem
Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500.
Full text of the LawSec. 24-17. Impeding sidewalk.
It shall be unlawful for a person to stand or sit on a city sidewalk or city right-of-way so as to impede, physically or by intimidation, free and uninterrupted pedestrian passage. A violation of this section shall be a class C misdemeanor and upon conviction shall be punishable by a fine not to exceed five hundred dollars ($500.00).(Ord. No. 97-104, ? 2, 12-11-97) hmmmm ok
Houston
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. No wonder I can't find any.
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
Is there some kind of secret time that I am missing?
Jasper
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Even in your home?
Lubbock County
It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream. Make sure your drunk friend sits in the bed of the truck
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Who determines "unusual"
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. This law needs to be adopted world wide.
San Antonio
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
ExplanationThe Alamo was the site of a famous battle during the fight for Texas' independence from Mexico. During this battle, the fort was overrun, but not until most men fought until the death to defend it. In a highly publicized incident, Ozzy Osbourne urinated on this famed historical site which infuriated many Texans. He was banned from the site, and a law was passed to prevent such acts from happening again. Good !!!!!!
Temple
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. On the spot punk!!!
You can ride your horse in the saloon. Thank god this one passed. I thought I was going to get into trouble.
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. But you can in a saloon
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. Where do you plug them in??
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Great Signs
Go to this restaurants website and check out the signs this guy puts up. Some are extremely true and funny.
Casa D' Ice
See ya
Casa D' Ice
See ya
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
What a bunch of Morons
Who the hell is this group from Kansas that holds signs and protest at the funerals of military personel stating that the death is because God is mad at the US for their tolerance of homosexuals. These people are complete crackpots and need to be picked up by the men in the white clothes with the padded wagon. Whether you agree with the war, support the troops or not you still should leave the family and friends alone when they are at the funeral. You shouldn't hold up signs that "God Hates You" to the funeral procession. Find a hobby or something. Or maybe just get out of that cult.
Maybe the military should assign an escort with a 50 cal mounted to the top of the vehicle to clear the way of these idiots before the funeral comes through.
You want to protest the war or anything else fine. I am ok with that. That is one of the freedoms that those soldiers died for. But leave the funerals alone. They are already going through enough pain of having to bury a loved one and your dumbass is out there holding up stupid signs telling them how much god hates them because of the US tolerance. Give me a damn break.
Maybe the military should assign an escort with a 50 cal mounted to the top of the vehicle to clear the way of these idiots before the funeral comes through.
You want to protest the war or anything else fine. I am ok with that. That is one of the freedoms that those soldiers died for. But leave the funerals alone. They are already going through enough pain of having to bury a loved one and your dumbass is out there holding up stupid signs telling them how much god hates them because of the US tolerance. Give me a damn break.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Enron
Yeah !!!!! The Enron morons were found GUILTY.
That company destroyed a lot of people lives. Send them to the chair !!!!
That company destroyed a lot of people lives. Send them to the chair !!!!
Things to Ponder
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world.A pessimist fears this is true.
There will always be death and taxes;however, death doesn't get worse every year.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
A day without sunshine is like night.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.Sometimes it comes alone.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world.A pessimist fears this is true.
There will always be death and taxes;however, death doesn't get worse every year.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
A day without sunshine is like night.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.Sometimes it comes alone.
Public Service Announcement
Don't forget to pay your taxes
12 Million ILLEGAL Immigrants are depending on you !!!!!
12 Million ILLEGAL Immigrants are depending on you !!!!!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Not in Texas
Broke Back In Texas
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she
just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and
noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two
spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider
on top, Daddy?" she asked.
That's a Daddy Long legs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Long legs? " the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped
them flat and said "Well, it might be OK in California or
Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that shit in Texas."
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she
just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and
noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two
spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider
on top, Daddy?" she asked.
That's a Daddy Long legs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Long legs? " the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped
them flat and said "Well, it might be OK in California or
Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that shit in Texas."
Chili Cook off
Annual Chili Cook Off held in San Antonio, Texas
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. Please take the time to read this slowly.
If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
* Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is this chili an aphrodisiac?
*****************************************************
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty! , strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
***************! **************************************
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. Please take the time to read this slowly.
If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
* Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is this chili an aphrodisiac?
*****************************************************
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty! , strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
***************! **************************************
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
About my Grandfather
We called my grandfather bepaw or beeps as he later would be known as. Here are a few of my memories that I will keep forever.
When we were young my grandfather would slip me and my brothers a dollar or so each. He would say this is "walk around money." When you are walking around and need some money just reach into your pocket and there is your dollar. When he would take us to Champions Golf Club my brothers and I were allowed to go into the mens locker room with him. We thought we were big stuff then because only men were allowed into the locker room. He would sit us at the bar and let us order some lemonade. That use to be the sweetest lemonade I can ever remember tasting. One of his most famous lines that you could verify with any of his grandchildren is "Don't slam the door!!!" Every time we would be at their house and one of the kids would come in or go out you would always hear Beeps yell "Don't slam the door!!!" (especially if Alabama football was playing)
He always had great stories. Sometimes he would start laughing in the middle of the story just thinking about it and have a hard time finishing. He use to tell this story about when he was a cook on a ship in WWII they had to hold the crackers up to the light to check for weavels. He said they would just flick the weavels out and serve the crackers. Not very appetizing I know but it always struck me funny.
My grandfather was a true salesman. I believe he could sell a desert nomad some sand. He told me the story of how when he walked into the meeting to sell the land for Willowbrook Mall the buyer had all these lawyers and other people. They asked hime when his people would be there and he simply replied that the deals he made were done on a hand shake and that was all. No lawyers or other "fuddy duddies" needed. Another story he would tell was about when he use to sell appliances. He was driving down this long road and passed the workers as they were putting in electric poles. He pulled up to a little house and sold this old couple a washing machine and an ice box. They didn't have any power yet but they bought it from him anyway. He always had business deals going even when he was well into his 80's. A few years ago when one of the times that he was in the hospital my wife and I went to see him. He had the ladies leave the room so he and I could talk. What did we talk about? Business and his current deals he was working on of course. He complained about how he really needed to get out of the hospital because he had work to do. When my company moved me into outside sales he use to tell me to take a notebook with me in the car. When I would finish a meeting go back to the car and write down everything. He said to pay particular attention to items on the persons desk or on the walls. That way I could probably find out if they like golf, fishing, baseball or whatever. Then the next time I talked to or saw them I could ask about their hobby. Well I did this on every sales call and it is a great way to help build a relationship with a customer. It shows you are not only talking to them for the business but are interested in them personally. One of my proudest days is when I closed my first account. I called him and told him that evening. I was excited. He was excited for me as well. He also asked me what was on the persons desk and I told him. He laughed and said "that's my boy." I will never forget how happy he sounded for me and for him. I think he was proud to have one of his grandsons following in his sales footsteps. There are many mores stories I could tell but will save those for another day. If I know my grandfather he is sitting near the inside of the pearly gates of heaven watching Alabama football and telling everyone as they come in "Don't slam the Gates!!!!"
Beeps,
We love you and miss you.
Tom & all of your grandchildren
ROOOOOOLLLLLLLL TIDE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When we were young my grandfather would slip me and my brothers a dollar or so each. He would say this is "walk around money." When you are walking around and need some money just reach into your pocket and there is your dollar. When he would take us to Champions Golf Club my brothers and I were allowed to go into the mens locker room with him. We thought we were big stuff then because only men were allowed into the locker room. He would sit us at the bar and let us order some lemonade. That use to be the sweetest lemonade I can ever remember tasting. One of his most famous lines that you could verify with any of his grandchildren is "Don't slam the door!!!" Every time we would be at their house and one of the kids would come in or go out you would always hear Beeps yell "Don't slam the door!!!" (especially if Alabama football was playing)
He always had great stories. Sometimes he would start laughing in the middle of the story just thinking about it and have a hard time finishing. He use to tell this story about when he was a cook on a ship in WWII they had to hold the crackers up to the light to check for weavels. He said they would just flick the weavels out and serve the crackers. Not very appetizing I know but it always struck me funny.
My grandfather was a true salesman. I believe he could sell a desert nomad some sand. He told me the story of how when he walked into the meeting to sell the land for Willowbrook Mall the buyer had all these lawyers and other people. They asked hime when his people would be there and he simply replied that the deals he made were done on a hand shake and that was all. No lawyers or other "fuddy duddies" needed. Another story he would tell was about when he use to sell appliances. He was driving down this long road and passed the workers as they were putting in electric poles. He pulled up to a little house and sold this old couple a washing machine and an ice box. They didn't have any power yet but they bought it from him anyway. He always had business deals going even when he was well into his 80's. A few years ago when one of the times that he was in the hospital my wife and I went to see him. He had the ladies leave the room so he and I could talk. What did we talk about? Business and his current deals he was working on of course. He complained about how he really needed to get out of the hospital because he had work to do. When my company moved me into outside sales he use to tell me to take a notebook with me in the car. When I would finish a meeting go back to the car and write down everything. He said to pay particular attention to items on the persons desk or on the walls. That way I could probably find out if they like golf, fishing, baseball or whatever. Then the next time I talked to or saw them I could ask about their hobby. Well I did this on every sales call and it is a great way to help build a relationship with a customer. It shows you are not only talking to them for the business but are interested in them personally. One of my proudest days is when I closed my first account. I called him and told him that evening. I was excited. He was excited for me as well. He also asked me what was on the persons desk and I told him. He laughed and said "that's my boy." I will never forget how happy he sounded for me and for him. I think he was proud to have one of his grandsons following in his sales footsteps. There are many mores stories I could tell but will save those for another day. If I know my grandfather he is sitting near the inside of the pearly gates of heaven watching Alabama football and telling everyone as they come in "Don't slam the Gates!!!!"
Beeps,
We love you and miss you.
Tom & all of your grandchildren
ROOOOOOLLLLLLLL TIDE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Grandfather
PATRICK NICHOLAS MORGAN, 88, of Houston, died Friday, May 12, 2006, at his home in the company of his family. Pat was born on December 17, 1917, in Lackawanna, NY, the eldest son of Saverio and Maria Morgan who emigrated from Italy at the turn of the 20th century. Pat was a proud graduate of the University of Alabama, Class of 1939, with a Bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering. He was an avid, lifelong fan of the Crimson Tide. In his job with the Tennessee Valley Authority, he met his future wife, the former Helen Rockwell. Following their marriage on June 9, 1942, he served as an officer with the U.S. Navy Seabees during WWII in the 5th and 143rd Battalions in the southwest Pacific. Throughout the 1940's and 1950's, Pat's sales career took him to Cincinnati, Philadelphia, and Chattanooga, where he became President of First Flight Golf Co. In 1959, Pat moved to Texas at the invitation of golf pros Jimmy Demaret and Jack Burke to develop real estate surrounding a new golf club in a remote area 30 miles northwest of Houston on a little two-lane country road, FM 1960. Pat's energy and unbounded optimism were a driving force behind the success of what would eventually become the world-class Champions Golf Club and the phenomenal growth in what is now known as the 1960 area. As noted by sports writer Mickey Herskowitz in an article for the Houston Post on August 25, 1993, developing the course on Cypress Creek and the surrounding real estate "wasn't an easy sell, but the money they made went back into the club and in the `70s they rode the boom. In truth, they helped create it." Pat is preceded in death by his parents, sisters Angie and Theresa Morgan and Ann Hassett, brothers Carl, Ed and Mike Morgan, and grandson Seth Morgan. He is survived by his wife of 64 years, Helen Rockwell Morgan, children and their spouses, Scott and Margaret Morgan of Houston, Beth and Drew Black of Folsom, CA, Jack and Carole Morgan of Houston, Melissa and George Tooley of Katy, sister and brother-in-law Sue and Robert Derham of Skaneateles, NY, 10 grandchildren, 2 great-grandchildren and numerous nieces and nephews. Pallbearers will be his eight grandsons, Daniel, Thomas, Nicholas, Andrew and Griffin Morgan, Keegan and Jared Tooley, and Morgan Black. Granddaughters Meredith Black and Kaelin Tooley will be lectors for his Rite of Christian Burial Mass. Visitation will be from 6-8 P.M., with a Rosary at 7:00 P.M Monday, May 15, 2006 at Earthman Hunter's Creek, 8303 Katy Freeway, Houston. Funeral Mass 1:30 P.M. on Tuesday at St. Cyril of Alexandria, 10503 Westheimer, Houston. Interment will take place at Memorial Oaks Cemetery. For those who so desire, memorial contributions can be made to the Mercy Home For Boys and Girls, 1140 West Jackson Blvd, Chicago, IL 60607-2980.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Idiot
I am 12% Idiot.
I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people. Trip to Mexico
Dear President Bush: I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help.
Sincerely,
David M. Bresnahan
2006 David M. Bresnahan - All Rights Reserved
David M. Bresnahan has over 30 years of experience as an award-winning journalist, broadcaster, radio station owner, talk show host, and business owner. David has been a prominent writer for many Internet newspapers.
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help.
Sincerely,
David M. Bresnahan
2006 David M. Bresnahan - All Rights Reserved
David M. Bresnahan has over 30 years of experience as an award-winning journalist, broadcaster, radio station owner, talk show host, and business owner. David has been a prominent writer for many Internet newspapers.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
For My Wife, My Mom, My Mother-in-Law and all the other amazing women in my life
One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken
heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own
heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken
heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own
heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
I'm Back !!!!
Ok so I haven't posted in a while. I have been busy with work and too tired to post. Also I just got back from my first trip to Vegas !!!! I went with my wifey, mother and father in law, and sister in law. We had a great time. I hope to post some pics later once I download them.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Black List, Red List, Green List
Ok so my wife and my family make fun of me because I have a black list of companies that I will not give my business to. Most of the reasons are customer service issues. I try not to scream or yell at the people when it is happening I just won't ever go there again. Most of the time I write a letter on the companies website because that will usually go to the corporate office. And most of the time they will send me a give card or some other crap to try to get me to come back. Companies on the black list could give me a shopping spree and I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of me being in their store. So here goes.
Black = they have really pissed me off
Red = you are in danger of getting on the black list if you do one more stupid thing
Green = companies that have shown outstanding service and will always get my business
Black List:
JC Penny's - for those of you who don't know this is a department store.
Time: approx. 3 years ago
Action: Letter written on their website gift card received
Been back: Hell No !!!!
Ok so my mom bought me some slacks for my birthday one year. However the security ink tag was left on. So one night I decide to go up there and have it removed. Keep in mind I did not have the receipt with me. So it was a week night and I walk in through one of the doors and go straight up to one of the counters. I explain that they were a gift and I just needed the tag taken off. The lady said that she could not do it without the receipt. So I asked her to call a manager. The manager on duty or whoever she called said no as well. Ok so if this is a whole theft issue, why are you going to let me just walk right back out of the store with them. You just watched me walk in with them. Meanwhile my wife has about $200 worth of clothes in her hands to purchase. I tell her in a rather loud voice to put that crap down and that we would not be buying anything from this store.
TGI Fridays - restaurant
Time: approx. 3 years ago
Action: complained to manager. free appetizer
Been Back: Hell No !!!
My wife and I order dinner and an appetizer. The waiter brings us the appetizer and just kind of slides/throws the plate on the table and walks off. What kind of crap is that. Anyway the manager comps us the appetizer. Big whoop.
Joe's Crab Shack - restaurant
Time: approx 2 years ago
Action: wrote letter to website. Gift card received and letter from manager
Been Back: Hell No !!!
My wife and I go out to dinner with another couple and their son. We order 5 adult meals and of course a few drinks. The flippin waiter automatically adds in gratuity. The menu says for parties of 8 or more. My wife being in the service industry says that the waiter has a choice to add the gratuity or not. So this Jackass just adds it thinking that we won't give him a very good tip. Well Mr. Jackass if you hadn't done that you probably would have gotten a better tip.
Others on the Black list but don't feel like explaining now because I am getting all worked up in a frenzy.
American Airlines
Applebees
Outback Steakhouse on NW Freeway
Cracker Barrel
Red List
Reliant Energy - you are getting ready to be on the black
Green List
Home Depot
Krogers
Foleys
There are more but can't think right now.
Black = they have really pissed me off
Red = you are in danger of getting on the black list if you do one more stupid thing
Green = companies that have shown outstanding service and will always get my business
Black List:
JC Penny's - for those of you who don't know this is a department store.
Time: approx. 3 years ago
Action: Letter written on their website gift card received
Been back: Hell No !!!!
Ok so my mom bought me some slacks for my birthday one year. However the security ink tag was left on. So one night I decide to go up there and have it removed. Keep in mind I did not have the receipt with me. So it was a week night and I walk in through one of the doors and go straight up to one of the counters. I explain that they were a gift and I just needed the tag taken off. The lady said that she could not do it without the receipt. So I asked her to call a manager. The manager on duty or whoever she called said no as well. Ok so if this is a whole theft issue, why are you going to let me just walk right back out of the store with them. You just watched me walk in with them. Meanwhile my wife has about $200 worth of clothes in her hands to purchase. I tell her in a rather loud voice to put that crap down and that we would not be buying anything from this store.
TGI Fridays - restaurant
Time: approx. 3 years ago
Action: complained to manager. free appetizer
Been Back: Hell No !!!
My wife and I order dinner and an appetizer. The waiter brings us the appetizer and just kind of slides/throws the plate on the table and walks off. What kind of crap is that. Anyway the manager comps us the appetizer. Big whoop.
Joe's Crab Shack - restaurant
Time: approx 2 years ago
Action: wrote letter to website. Gift card received and letter from manager
Been Back: Hell No !!!
My wife and I go out to dinner with another couple and their son. We order 5 adult meals and of course a few drinks. The flippin waiter automatically adds in gratuity. The menu says for parties of 8 or more. My wife being in the service industry says that the waiter has a choice to add the gratuity or not. So this Jackass just adds it thinking that we won't give him a very good tip. Well Mr. Jackass if you hadn't done that you probably would have gotten a better tip.
Others on the Black list but don't feel like explaining now because I am getting all worked up in a frenzy.
American Airlines
Applebees
Outback Steakhouse on NW Freeway
Cracker Barrel
Red List
Reliant Energy - you are getting ready to be on the black
Green List
Home Depot
Krogers
Foleys
There are more but can't think right now.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
More Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
I told you I would post more so here you go.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up, little guy.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 'Mankind'. Basically, it's made up of two separate words: 'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and so is mankind.
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up, little guy.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 'Mankind'. Basically, it's made up of two separate words: 'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and so is mankind.
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.
Sayings that throw liberals into a blind RAGE
In no particular order.
1. One Nation Under GOD
2. God Bless You
3. George W. Bush
4. In God We Trust
5. Tax Cuts
6. The 2nd Amendment
7. Merry Christmas
8. Happy Easter
9. I'm a right wing conservative (thanks Lisa)
10. Abortion is murder (thanks Lisa)
These are just a few that I can think of but if anyone has any more let me know and I will add them to this list.
1. One Nation Under GOD
2. God Bless You
3. George W. Bush
4. In God We Trust
5. Tax Cuts
6. The 2nd Amendment
7. Merry Christmas
8. Happy Easter
9. I'm a right wing conservative (thanks Lisa)
10. Abortion is murder (thanks Lisa)
These are just a few that I can think of but if anyone has any more let me know and I will add them to this list.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Good Point
Welfare - A Subtle Destroyer of the Human Spirit>>Posted: Creators Syndicate Inc.
September 14, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern (c) 2005
In his 1935 State of the Union Address, FDR (President Franklin D. Roosevelt) spoke to a nation mired in the Depression, but still marinated in conservative values: "Continued dependence upon welfare", said FDR, "induces a spiritual disintegration which is fundamentally destructive to the national fiber. To dole our relief in this way is to
administer a narcotic, a subtle destroyer, of the human spirit."
Behind FDR's statement was the conviction that, while the Government must step in, in an emergency, in normal times, men provide the food, clothing and shelter for their families.
And we did, until the war pulled us out of the Depression and a postwar boom made us, in John K. Galbraith's phrase, "The Affluent Society." By the 1960's, America, the richest country on earth, was growing ever more prosperous, but with the 1964 landslide of LBJ, liberalism triumphed and began its great experiment.
Behind the Great Society was a great idea: to lift America's poor out of poverty, government should now take care of all their basic needs. By giving the poor welfare, subsidized food, public housing and free medical care, the government will end poverty in America.
At the Superdome, and New Orleans Convention Center, we saw the failure of 40 years of the Great Society. No sooner had Katrina passed by and the 17th Street levee broke than hundreds of young men who should have taken charge in helping the aged, the
sick and the women with babies to safety took to the streets to shoot, loot and rape. The New Orleans police, their numbers cut by deserters who left their posts to look after their own, engaged in running gun battles all day long just to stay alive, and to protect people.
It was the character and conduct of its people that makes the New Orleans disaster unique. After a hurricane, people's needs are simple: food, water, shelter, medical attention. But even this can be hard to meet. People buried in rubble, or those hiding in the attics of flooded homes are difficult to get to when covering such a large area. But, even with the incompetence of the Mayor, Governor & the torpor of Federal Officials, this was possible.
Coast Guard helicopters were operating Tuesday. There were roads open into the city for SUV's, buses and trucks. While New Orleans was flooded with stagnant water, people walked through it to the Convention Center and Superdome. The flimsiest boat could navigate.
Even if the Government dithered for days - so what - this does not explain the failure of the people themselves.
Between 1865 and 1940, the South - having lost a fourth of its best and bravest in battle, devastated by war, mired in poverty - was famous for the hardy self-reliance of her people, both black and white.
In 1940, hundreds of British fishermen and yachtsmen sailed back and forth daily under fire across a turbulent 23-mile Channel to rescue 300,000 soldiers stranded in Dunkirk. How do we explain to the world that a tenth that number of Americans could not be reached, in four
days, from across a simple stagnant pond?
The real disaster of Katrina was that society broke down. An
entire community could not come together, and cope. Liberalism, the idea that good intentions, and Government programs, can build a Great Society, was exposed as "fraud". After Trillions of tax dollars for Welfare, food stamps, public housing, job training and education have poured into the area since 1965, poverty remains pandemic. But today, when the police vanish, "community" disappears, and the sickening thought rises up of
men taking to the streets to prey on women and the weak.
Stranded for days in a pool of fetid water, almost everyone waited for the Government to come to save them. The stranded screamed into the cameras for help, the reporters screamed into the cameras for help, and the "civil rights leaders" screamed into the cameras that President Bush was responsible, and that President Bush was a racist.
Over the course of history, Americans as a whole, were famous for taking the initiative, for having young leaders rise up in a crisis to take command. See any of that at the Superdome?
Sri Lankans, and Indonesians, far poorer than we, did not behave like this in a tsunami that took 400 times as many lives as Katrina has.
We are the descendants of men and women who braved the North Atlantic in wooden boats to build a country in a strange land. Our ancestors traveled thousands of miles in covered wagons, fighting off Indians far braver than those "cowards" preying on the New Orleans' weak and poor.
Watching that performance in the Crescent City, it seems clear: We are not the people our parents were. And what are all our "Lords Temporal" now howling for? Though they erroneously accused Government of failing at every level, they want more government.
FDR was right. A "spiritual disintegration" has overtaken us. Government-as-first provider, the big idea of the Great Society, has proven to be "a narcotic, and a subtle destroyer of the human spirit."
Either we get off this narcotic, or it kills us, simple as that.
September 14, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern (c) 2005
In his 1935 State of the Union Address, FDR (President Franklin D. Roosevelt) spoke to a nation mired in the Depression, but still marinated in conservative values: "Continued dependence upon welfare", said FDR, "induces a spiritual disintegration which is fundamentally destructive to the national fiber. To dole our relief in this way is to
administer a narcotic, a subtle destroyer, of the human spirit."
Behind FDR's statement was the conviction that, while the Government must step in, in an emergency, in normal times, men provide the food, clothing and shelter for their families.
And we did, until the war pulled us out of the Depression and a postwar boom made us, in John K. Galbraith's phrase, "The Affluent Society." By the 1960's, America, the richest country on earth, was growing ever more prosperous, but with the 1964 landslide of LBJ, liberalism triumphed and began its great experiment.
Behind the Great Society was a great idea: to lift America's poor out of poverty, government should now take care of all their basic needs. By giving the poor welfare, subsidized food, public housing and free medical care, the government will end poverty in America.
At the Superdome, and New Orleans Convention Center, we saw the failure of 40 years of the Great Society. No sooner had Katrina passed by and the 17th Street levee broke than hundreds of young men who should have taken charge in helping the aged, the
sick and the women with babies to safety took to the streets to shoot, loot and rape. The New Orleans police, their numbers cut by deserters who left their posts to look after their own, engaged in running gun battles all day long just to stay alive, and to protect people.
It was the character and conduct of its people that makes the New Orleans disaster unique. After a hurricane, people's needs are simple: food, water, shelter, medical attention. But even this can be hard to meet. People buried in rubble, or those hiding in the attics of flooded homes are difficult to get to when covering such a large area. But, even with the incompetence of the Mayor, Governor & the torpor of Federal Officials, this was possible.
Coast Guard helicopters were operating Tuesday. There were roads open into the city for SUV's, buses and trucks. While New Orleans was flooded with stagnant water, people walked through it to the Convention Center and Superdome. The flimsiest boat could navigate.
Even if the Government dithered for days - so what - this does not explain the failure of the people themselves.
Between 1865 and 1940, the South - having lost a fourth of its best and bravest in battle, devastated by war, mired in poverty - was famous for the hardy self-reliance of her people, both black and white.
In 1940, hundreds of British fishermen and yachtsmen sailed back and forth daily under fire across a turbulent 23-mile Channel to rescue 300,000 soldiers stranded in Dunkirk. How do we explain to the world that a tenth that number of Americans could not be reached, in four
days, from across a simple stagnant pond?
The real disaster of Katrina was that society broke down. An
entire community could not come together, and cope. Liberalism, the idea that good intentions, and Government programs, can build a Great Society, was exposed as "fraud". After Trillions of tax dollars for Welfare, food stamps, public housing, job training and education have poured into the area since 1965, poverty remains pandemic. But today, when the police vanish, "community" disappears, and the sickening thought rises up of
men taking to the streets to prey on women and the weak.
Stranded for days in a pool of fetid water, almost everyone waited for the Government to come to save them. The stranded screamed into the cameras for help, the reporters screamed into the cameras for help, and the "civil rights leaders" screamed into the cameras that President Bush was responsible, and that President Bush was a racist.
Over the course of history, Americans as a whole, were famous for taking the initiative, for having young leaders rise up in a crisis to take command. See any of that at the Superdome?
Sri Lankans, and Indonesians, far poorer than we, did not behave like this in a tsunami that took 400 times as many lives as Katrina has.
We are the descendants of men and women who braved the North Atlantic in wooden boats to build a country in a strange land. Our ancestors traveled thousands of miles in covered wagons, fighting off Indians far braver than those "cowards" preying on the New Orleans' weak and poor.
Watching that performance in the Crescent City, it seems clear: We are not the people our parents were. And what are all our "Lords Temporal" now howling for? Though they erroneously accused Government of failing at every level, they want more government.
FDR was right. A "spiritual disintegration" has overtaken us. Government-as-first provider, the big idea of the Great Society, has proven to be "a narcotic, and a subtle destroyer of the human spirit."
Either we get off this narcotic, or it kills us, simple as that.
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